


Nara Coffee

by ProxyOne



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Deal With It, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, M/M, Oops, Shinya & Kaoru are cousins, Short Chapters, THIS FIC IS REALLY OLD AND YOU CAN TELL, fixed the formatting, in which you can tell that Kyo has always amused me, it's AU though so that's fine, it's really just copious amounts of fluff, oops Kyo is voyeuristic, virginal Shinya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-07 04:17:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14663130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProxyOne/pseuds/ProxyOne
Summary: [REPOST] Shinya is trying to get some work done in his cousin's café, but a certain pair are making life very difficult...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, here's another one I wrote many many years ago that I'm moving here instead. It's had a little bit more polishing than the last one I moved over, but is still narratively the same. It's also a little closer to my current style, though clearly still undeveloped (with the associated minorly cringey bits). Despite that, it's still one of the fics I'm most proud of :) I'm polishing it as I can, so each chapter will go up as it's done. Not that I imagine anyone is actually going to read this lololol

Shinya Terachi was stuck.

_What the hell is wrong with me at the moment? I've never had this much trouble before._

He tapped his pen on the pad in front of him, staring out the window of the coffee shop, drink forgotten. He'd hoped the change of scenery would help, but two hours he had been sitting there, trying to write the newest piece of music, and nothing had happened. No words, no melodies, nothing. This was by far the worst block he had ever had, and that loud guffawing coming from the table two over from his was doing nothing to help matters. He glared across at the two men sitting there, one with improbably bright red hair, the other with equally unlikely blue hair, wishing they would be quiet for just two seconds and give him some peace.

“Shinya? This is for you. You look kind of hungry.”

Shinya looked up to see the friendly face of the waiter smiling down at him, holding out a dish full of banana and ice cream.

“Naoki! I'm sorry, I don't have any money left. I can't afford that today.” Shinya stared longingly at the bowl. It was his favourite thing to get in this place, and it pained him to have to turn it away. The waiter just grinned again, and put the tray down.

“It's on us, Shinya. You look like you need it, no offence intended. Besides, Kaoru would kill us if we let his cousin get too hungry.” Shinya smiled. His older cousin was more than a little over-protective of him, but Shinya appreciated it all the same. It was part of the reason he had made the effort to come out to Kaoru's café in Nara, rather than staying in Osaka to do his work. He opened his mouth to thank Naoki for being so thoughtful, when he was interrupted by yet more obnoxiously loud laughter from the only other currently occupied table. Shinya winced, shooting another glare at the oblivious pair.

“Do those two have to be so loud?” he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

“I can ask them to keep it down a bit if you'd like,” Naoki responded, looking concerned.

“That'd be great, Naoki. Thank you.”

The waiter bowed slightly before turning to the other two.

“Oi! You two! Keep your voices down. There are other people here, remember?”

Shinya froze, face aghast as the two that Naoki had just yelled at turned around.

“Awww, but Naoki - “ the blue haired one began, before the redhead slapped his arm and pointed at Shinya. He leaned in, whispering, and when he sat back the one with the blue hair had completely changed his expression.

“I apologise, Naoki. We were being rude, weren't we?”

Shinya felt his face burning. Matters were certainly not being helped by the fact that the redhead was staring intently at him, his face completely unreadable. Shinya ducked his head, hiding behind his hair while he tried to concentrate on the paper and pen in front of him, hoping the other two would forget he was there. He heard a seat being pushed back, heard footsteps walking towards him, and prayed that they would continue on past and out the door. Shinya's luck, unfortunately, continued in the same fashion that it had all day.

“May I sit down?” a deep voice asked, and Shinya had no choice but to look up. There stood the redhead, looking a lot taller when he was right next to Shinya than it had seemed when he was sitting further away.

“I – o-of course.” Shinya stammered.

“DieDie, I'm going home now! Kyo's probably wondering where I am by now.” the other man yelled out as he walked to the cash register. “I'll pay for yours now. You can pay me back later.”

'DieDie' waved a hand as he sat. “Thanks, Totchi. I'll see you later. Say hi to Kyo for me, okay?”

“I will! Bye-bye blondie!” 'Totchi' waved at Shinya as he finished paying and walked out, leaving Shinya sitting with this 'DieDie' and wondering what in the hell was going on. He sat with his hands in his lap, looking slightly in front of the other man who was still staring attentively at Shinya.

“My apologies again. My name is Daisuke Andou, and that was Toshimasa Hara. You can just call us Die and Toshiya though.”

“Can I?” Shinya blinked, still slightly confused as to why he would want to call the two of them anything other than annoying.

“Yep! And we can call you...?”

Shinya shook himself, wondering what it was about him that seemed to interest this Die so much.

“Shinya Terachi.”

“Shin-chan, huh? That's a pretty name.”

“Just Shinya is fine. Or Terachi-san even, since I don't exactly know you.”

Die raised an eyebrow, but continued talking anyway.

“So what brings you here, Shin-chan?”

“Shinya. And I'm working. My cousin owns this place.”

“Working? It doesn't look like you work here. You've been here for at least an hour, and all we've seen you do is stare out the window.”

_He's been watching me?_

“I don't work here. I just come here to work. There's a difference.”

“And working for you consists of staring out the window? How does one get a job like that? I'd quite like one.”

Shinya felt himself growing more flustered.

_What's this guy doing here? Is he just here to torture me?_

“I'm a writer. I write jingles for ads.”

Die stared for a second before bursting into laughter.

“You're serious, aren't you? That's hilarious!”

Shinya sat in silence, waiting for Die's laughing fit to subside. That always happened when he told people what he did. He still didn't know what the other man was doing here, but it wasn't like he was really interrupting his work, so for now he tolerated it.

“You know, I always wondered who wrote those things. Like that one for the dog food, you know, the one that goes 'la la, lalalalalalala la, laaaaaah'. I fucking hate that one. Whoever wrote that needs to be shot.”

“I wrote that.”

“Lying isn't nice.”

“I wrote that. Do you want to shoot me now?”

Truth be told, Shinya hated that particular one himself. The client had loved it because it was so catchy, but every time it had come on TV Shinya had wanted to hide himself for fear people would find out it was his.

_So what the hell are you thinking, telling him just like that?_

It was the stare. That had to be it. The way the man was just staring at Shinya like he already knew all there was to know about him was unnerving.

“I'm sorry...Die. I really have to get going now.”

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to insult you. You don't need to leave.” The man actually looked genuinely sorry, much to Shinya's surprise.

“It's not that. I just have to get home. I'll miss my train if I stay any later. I have to get back to Osaka.”

_Idiot. Why'd you tell him that? He doesn't need to know. Why don't you tell him your entire life story while you're at it?_

“Osaka? You're kidding. Why are you here working if you live in Osaka?”

“I told you, my cousin owns the place. Besides. Nara is calming. More than Osaka, anyway. And now Die, I really have to get going.”

Shinya stood and turned before he could be enticed into revealing anything more. He all but ran out the door, yelling to Naoki that he would pay what he owed tomorrow. He glanced back once as he left, only to see Die looking after him, face completely devoid of expression.


	2. Chapter 2

Shinya sat on the train, staring enviously at the man in the seat across from him. He was spread out across his seat, head back, mouth slightly open, snoring softly.

_Wish I could go to sleep on the train. Knowing me though, I'd end up missing my stop._

He sighed, leaning back again and fiddling with the bag in his lap. He had decided to go into Kyoto to get some new headphones for his mp3 player. Actually, that wasn't really the reason he had gone to the old city. Osaka had plenty of places to get headphones. He didn't really know why he had gone there. He had been rather zoned out when he had gotten out of bed, and just found himself getting on the first train he saw and found himself wandering around Kyoto station. He always got lost when he went there. There were just so many people, and the station was so convoluted. He remembered the first time he had been there, and tried to walk out the exit. He couldn't understand why the machine kept rejecting his ticket until an amused looking attendant had come to point out the large “Shinkansen” sign above him.

_Leave it to me to to be paying so little attention that I get a Shinkansen entrance and an actual exit mixed up._

So, he had arrived in Kyoto with no idea why, and no idea what to do, so he roamed the shops until he had found something so it wouldn't be an entirely wasted trip.

“Hey you.”

Shinya jumped, frightened out of his thoughts and turning to find the previously asleep blond man next to him blinking sleepily at him. Shinya looked around, just to make sure the man wasn't talking to anyone else. The only other people were at the other end of the car, so it looked like he would have to answer.

_Why am I attracting strangers at the moment?_

“Are you going to Nara?”

Shinya frowned, not sure if he should answer. This guy, quite honestly, did not look normal. He was covered in tattoos, and piercings, and was wearing all leather, and his hair was spiked all over the place, and all in all looked kind of...well, scary.

Then again, they were only on the train, so it wasn't like there was much the other man could do. And once in Nara, he supposed he could lose him.

“Me? Y-yes, I am. Why?”

“Good. Wake me up when we get there, will you? I'm supposed to be meeting someone, and he'll be pissed if I'm not there because I went to sleep on the train again.”

“Ummm. Sure. I can do that.”

Shinya felt somewhat relieved that that was all the man wanted, and more than a little surprised when he didn't even respond, instead slouching back down and going straight back to sleep.

_Apparently Nara is full of weird people these days._

He wondered idly if that Die person was going to be there again. He really hoped not. That guy creeped him out. A lot. The way he just kept staring, and talking to him and calling him 'Shin-chan' like they were the best of friends...nope. Definitely not someone he wanted to have hanging around him. He had work to do, anyway.

_If he is there, I hope Kaoru is around. Then at least I could hide behind him._

It was strange though. As soon as he had arrived home after fleeing the red haired freak, his inspiration had hit all at once, completely destroying his block. He'd managed to get three of the projects he was working on either finished, or well on the way. It was a late but productive night, hence his hazy state getting up that morning.

Not that it had anything to do with HIM.

Shinya pushed yesterday's encounter from him mind and looked out the window, surprised to find they were already nearing Nara. He glanced across at the man.

Yep. Still asleep.

He moved over to the edge of his seat, reaching out to shake the man awake. He had barely touched him though when he began to snarl at Shinya.

_What is he? A dog?_

He reached a little further to shake him a bit harder.

“Fuck off! What do you think you're doing?”

Shinya was taken aback, to say the least.

“Umm...you asked me to wake you when we got to Nara? Um. We're here now.”

The man looked around, blinking.

“Oh. So we are. Thanks, man.”

He stretched as the train came to a halt, and Shinya leaped up and hurried to the door before anything further could happen. He all but ran the whole way from the train to the café.

Thank god Kaoru put it so close to the station, he thought, panting as he walked through the door. A smile filled his face as he saw the first bit of luck all day. Kaoru was standing at the counter, chatting to Naoki.

“Kaoru!”

His cousin turned around, grinning at Shinya as he brushed a strand of purple hair out of his face.

“Shinya! I wasn't sure if you were going to be coming here today.”

“I nearly didn't. Somehow I ended up in Kyoto. And anyway, there was this guy here yesterday -”

“Yes, Naoki was telling me all about how you made a new friend! I'm so glad you're finally deciding to talk to others, Shinya. Really. It'll be good for you. I'd like to meet this guy. I hear he's a friend of a friend of Naoki's too, so I know he'll be a good person.”

Shinya stood, mouth open as he listened to Kaoru continue to go on about how it would be good for Shinya to get out more. He didn't want to get out more. He felt absolutely no desire to hang out with people just for the sake of hanging out, and especially not with people like that Die, no matter how good a person Kaoru seemed to be under the impression he was.

_Just proves he doesn't know this guy anyway, thinking that just because he's in some tenuous way related to Naoki that it means he's a 'good person'._

The door behind them opened, and Kaoru's eyes flicked once to see who it was before widening.

“Kyo! Holy shit! What are you doing here?” Kaoru all but leapt the counter in his rush to see whoever it was that had just entered the store. Shinya turned to see who could be causing such a fuss, only to see the scary-looking guy from the train.

_Oh my god, he followed me! Oh my god, Kaoru KNOWS him?_

“I'm here to meet someone. Also I'm here because that guy there -” and at this he gestured towards Shinya, “- left this on the train.” He held up a hand, letting Shinya's mp3 player dangle down.

_Shit. I left my work on the train._

Shinya was absolutely mortified. If he had have lost that, he would have been screwed. That contained all the work he was currently doing, and then some.

“But I could ask you the same question, Kaoru,” Kyo continued, handing the player to Shinya. “What brings you out here?”

“This is my café. I own it.”

“What? Bullshit!” Kyo giggled. “What happened to all your plans of whatever it was. Weren't you going to be some big rock star? Or maybe it was a porn star...” Kyo looked puzzled, trying to remember. Kaoru's eyebrows shot up as he laughed at Kyo's statement.

“Porn star? What? That was you, remember.”

“Oh yeah, that's right.”

Kaoru rolled his eyes.

“So how'd that work out anyway? What are you really doing now?”

“Actually, not that far off. I write...stuff. Sell my books. Got a boyfriend who makes me feel like a porn star though, shit -” Kaoru held up a hand, interrupting whatever it was Kyo was about to say.

“Please Kyo, don't go any further with that particular train of thought. I really don't want to hear about your night time activities.”

“Who said anything about night time? Are you ok?” This last he directed at Shinya, who was still standing right next to Kaoru, following the conversation with a kind of horrified interest. Kaoru turned, suddenly remembering his younger cousin was there.

“Sorry! Kyo, this is my cousin, Shinya. Shinya, this is Kyo. We were...friends. A while ago.”

Kyo snorted at the work 'friends', and Shinya bowed slightly as Kaoru introduced them, shocked to think that someone like his cousin could have been friends with someone like the short guy standing before them.

“Friends? I've never seen him before,” Shinya replied, subtly trying to pry more information from Kaoru.

“No...Kyo wasn't exactly the sort of friend I could bring home to meet our family.”

Kaoru looked slightly uncomfortable, so Shinya made a note to ask him about it later. Kyo looked over at Naoki, who was still standing at the counter and waved.

“Hey Naoki.”

“Hey Kyo. Totchi said to tell you he's running a bit late, and not to worry, and could you please leave your phone on so he can ring and tell you himself next time instead of having to get people to pass messages on.”

Totchi? So this was the Kyo that he had mentioned yesterday. Which meant that Toshiya guy must be the boyfriend that Kyo had mentioned. He looked at Kyo. Somehow he just couldn't see it, but it must be true.

“Yes, I have a boyfriend. No, I don't give a rats arse what you or anyone else thinks. If you've got something to say, get it over with now so Totchi doesn't have to hear it.” Kyo glared at Shinya, almost daring him to say something.

“He's not going to be bringing that other guy with him, is he?”

Kyo stood in silence before bursting out laughing.

“I see. So you're the Shin-chan Die was going on about. I see what he was talking about now.” Kyo looked Shinya up and down, Shinya only barely succeeding in resisting the urge to hide behind Kaoru. To his relief, Kaoru took this as the cue to finally start speaking again.

“Wait, so you know this guy that was talking to Shinya yesterday? I assume that's who you're talking about, Shin. I thought since he knew Naoki he would be a good guy, but since he also knows you I'm not so sure, Kyo. What sort of person is this Die?”

“Relax, Kaoru. Die is a good guy. Better than you maybe, and certainly better than you're thinking. He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes. But you'll like him, I guarantee it. He's the sort of bastard who's impossible to dislike.”

“Better than me? What's that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

Kaoru snorted and clipped Kyo lightly across the head.

“Idiot,” he said softly. “You know I never meant any of that.”

“I know. Anyway, I can see those two coming now.” Kyo replied, leaning back to look out the door. Sure enough, within a few seconds the two from yesterday came strolling through the door, the blue haired one – Toshiya, Shinya reminded himself – smiling and bouncing across to lean on Kyo. Shinya goggled both at the amazing difference between the two men, and also at the way most of Kyo's scariness and hostility seemed to soften and vanish as soon as Toshiya touched him. Toshiya leaned down to give the shorter man a kiss before whispering loudly.

“Kyo, would you please remember to leave your phone on? It worries me if I can't get hold of you.”

“Sure thing, Totchi. But I want you to meet someone. Kaoru, this is Toshiya. That one over there who won't stop staring at your cousin is Die. You two, this is Kaoru.”

Toshiya grinned and bowed, obviously happy to meet one of Kyo's friends. Die on the other hand mumbled a quick hello and continued his study of Shinya. Shinya shrunk back further behind Kaoru, feeling more uncomfortable than ever under the redhead's gaze.

“Hi, Shin-chan. How are you feeling today?” Die suddenly asked, breaking into a wide smile.

“It's Shinya. And I'm fine. How are you?”

“Much better now, thank you. Totchi, Kyo, what are we doing today?”

Toshiya thought for a moment before speaking.

“I want to go feed the turtles. Let's all go do that. Kaoru, Shinya, you guys come too! It'll be fun!”

Die looked pleased, and Shinya started to shake his head. He didn't want to have to go anywhere with that guy, even if there would be others there. Unfortunately for Shinya, Kaoru spoke before he had a chance to actually say no.

“Yeah, that sounds like good. It'll give us a chance to catch up, Kyo. And these two can get to know each other. It's about time Shinya got out.”

Why are you so obsessed with me 'getting out', Kaoru? Shinya thought sulkily, but said nothing. He owed Kaoru too much to deny him this. He waited while Kaoru went and told Naoki where they were going, made sure he had his phone on him so he could call Kaoru if he needed help. And through all the organising, still Die looked at him, although at least now it was out of the corner of his eye while he talked to Kyo and Toshiya. Like that Shinya could almost pretend that he wasn't still doing it. He turned to watch Kaoru, willing him to hurry up.

_The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back._

Finally Kaoru returned, walking out the door with Kyo and Toshiya, leaving Shinya to walk with Die. The redhead hooked an arm through Shinya's and grinned.

“This is going to be fun, Shin-chan. Just enjoy it, okay?”

Shinya sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

The five of them wandered up the road to Sarusawa Pond, and Shinya felt his feet grow heavier and heavier with every step. Kyo and Toshiya had almost run ahead with Kaoru, and now the three of them were having a grand old time of it, gesturing wildly as they spoke, almost constant laughter floating back. Shinya on the other hand was stuck with Die, who didn't say anything, but just kept looking at Shinya with that goofy grin on his face. He had even kept his arm linked through Shinya's! Shinya had tried to pull himself free, but the redhead had just laughed and pulled him back.

_Why won't he take the hint? Don't they always say if you ignore something it'll go away? GO AWAY, DAISUKE._

“So. Tell me about yourself, Shin-chan.” Die spoke suddenly, startling the blond. Shinya cast his eyes around wildly, looking for some distraction that would mean he wouldn't have to answer, finding only shops and shoppers. He sighed.

“It's Shinya. You already know all there is to know. You know my name, which you refuse to use properly, you know Kaoru is my cousin, you know I write jingles for a living, you know I live in Osaka but like to come out to Nara to work. Nothing else to know, really.”

“That is not all there is to know. I bet you're the most interesting person in this whole country. Probably even in the whole world! You just have to realise it.”

Shinya looked sideways at Die, but remained silent.

_There's something seriously wrong with this guy._

“Well then, how about me? Do you want to know anything about me?” Die continued.

“Not particularly.”

Die looked slightly hurt by Shinya's response, and his smile faltered for a moment before coming back brighter than ever.

“Oh, I see now! My Shin-chan is shy! You are the cutest thing, aren't you?”

“What?!” Shinya spluttered, stopping in the middle of the street, almost causing a miniature traffic jam. “Your Shin-chan? I don't belong to you! I'm my Shin-chan, and no one else's!”

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You're not mine just yet. So it's just Shin-chan, then.”

“That's right.”

 _Dammit_. Too late, Shinya realised what Die was doing.

Die laughed, pulling Shinya back into a walk.

“See? I knew you were Shin-chan, not just Shinya. You just needed to realise it.”

“Nothing I say is going to make the slightest bit of difference, is it?”

“Nope!” Die announced happily. “Come on, we're nearly there. Those others will feed the turtles full to bursting if we don't hurry up and get there soon. Well, Toshiya will, anyway. That guy's a nightmare when it comes to animals.”

Die started running, pulling Shinya along behind him, catching up to the others just as they reached the benches under the trees. There was only one free one, which Kaoru and Toshiya had already sat down on. Kyo stood eyeing the bench, before announcing that he didn't think all five of them would fit on it so someone would have to either stand or sit on someone else.

“Kyo, you can sit on me!” Toshiya smiled, patting his lap.

“I'm not sitting on you, Toshiya. Not after last time.”

“I promise I'll be good, Kyo! It's okay. You can trust me.”

“No. No way Totchi. Not gonna happen.”

Shinya watched the exchange, head going back and forth as the two began trading good natured insults. Curiosity got the better of him, and he couldn't stop himself from turning to Die.

“Why won't Kyo sit on Toshiya? What happened last time?”

Die pulled a face, opening his mouth wide and sticking his tongue out, shaking his head.

“I'm not sure you really want to know.”

“No, I do! It can't be that bad, can it?”

Die raised an eyebrow, but shrugged.

“Okay, but remember: you wanted to know. This is the short version. Totchi convinced Kyo to wear one of his skirts when a bunch of us went out one night -”

“Toshiya wears skirts? And he got Kyo to wear one?”

“Occasionally he does, yeah. And don't even try to think about how he Kyo into one of his or what he looked like.”

Despite the warning, Shinya found himself trying to imagine the two of them in skirts. Toshiya looked like he would probably be able to pull it off fairly well. Kyo on the other hand...he could only conjure up one image of the wild looking man in anything even vaguely resembling a skirt, and the thought was so disturbing he had to push it straight back out again. Die poked him in the ribs, causing Shinya to jump back away from him.

“I see you tried to think of Kyo in a skirt. Told you it'd be a bad idea. Anyway, we were all out, and Toshiya got Kyo to sit on his lap, like he always does. Only, he had...ahem...a 'surprise' waiting for Kyo when he sat. Kyo of course, being Kyo, wasn't exactly upset about it, and we wouldn't have known anything if they hadn't gotten carried away and both flown off the seat, knocking the table over and sending Kyo's skirt flying up over his head. And now that I've been forced to relive that traumatic experience, I'm just going to go over to the vending machine and get something to distract me. Would you like anything while I'm there?”

Shinya stood with his mouth open, face burning. He didn't dare look back over towards the others in case they had heard Die telling the story, even though Die had kept his voice low. They were still bickering, all three of them now, so it was far from likely that anything had been heard, but Shinya was still far too embarrassed to risk it.

“Shin-chan? Did you want anything?”

“Huh? What?”

“I'll just grab you an iced tea, shall I?”

“I – yeah. Thanks.”

“Good. I'll be back in a minute, okay?”

“Sure, fine.” Shinya wasn't really listening to what Die was saying, instead trying to wobble his way over to the bench -

_Kaoru's side! I can't sit next to those two now!_

\- before he fell over. He sat down stiffly, looking straight ahead, watching the turtles try to clamber over one of the logs in the pond.

“Shinya, where is Die going?” Toshiya's voice floated over, causing Shinya's blush to return with a vengeance.

“Um. He said he was getting a drink.”

“Then why is he going right around the pond? The vending machines are just there.”

“Um. I don't know?” Shinya looked up, still avoiding looking at Toshiya and Kyo. Sure enough, there was Die, on the opposite side of the pond, looking as though he was leaning down to feed some of the turtles on his way.

“Shin? You alright? What were you and Die talking about?” Kaoru asked, turning to look at his cousin.

“Nothing! We weren't talking about anything!” Shinya squeaked, his face going even redder. Shinya didn't think he had ever blushed this much in his life.

_And I blame Die entirely for that. Even if he DID warn me. It's still his fault._

He could feel the other three exchanging glances, quite plainly thinking there was something more going on.

_Well, they'd be right. Just not in the way they THINK they are._

Kaoru seemed prepared to accept that for now, although Shinya knew that the second they were alone he was going to demand the entire story. He had no idea how he was going to get out of that, since he knew Kaoru wouldn't give in until he found out what was bothering Shinya, and Shinya certainly had no intention of ever repeating what Die had just told him. Instead, Shinya got up to go and stand at the edge of the water, looking down as the turtles gathered, waiting for their food.

“Here. You want some bread to feed them with?”

Shinya looked up at Toshiya's voice. The blue haired man smiled over at him, holding out a bag full of bread pieces. Shinya cocked his head, eyebrows drawn down in question.

“Do you always carry that around?”

“No. I just knew I wanted to feed the turtles today, so I came prepared. Here. Throw some in.”

“Do turtles eat bread?”

“Turtles eat whatever you throw at them. They're a bit like Kyo, really. Now here. Throw some in.”

Shinya took a few pieces and dropped them in the water, watching as the turtles sped towards the food. He laughed in delight as more of them swam over. Even a few of the ones that had been sunning themselves on the log tumbled off, enticed by the promise of free food.

“Oh wow, look at the baby ones, Toshiya! They're so cute!” Despite himself, Shinya was forgetting his reluctance to be there.

“They are, aren't they? Another way they're a bit like Kyo. Although, I have to say...Kyo's just a tiny bit cuter. Don't tell him I said that though. He'll kill me.”

Shinya grinned, not taking his eyes off the babies until they heard a rather loud splash just down from them. They looked across to see a rather sheepish looking Die strolling back, a drink in each hand.

“Die, what did you just do?” Toshiya called down the path.

“Nothing! What makes you think it was me?”

“Because it's always you. Never mind. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.”

“I did nothing, Toshiya! You see what I have to put up with, Shin-chan? See the way my so-called friends treat me? Never trusting me, always accusing me of everything. Life is so hard, sometimes.”

“See the sort of dork we have to hang out with? And the reason you're always blamed, Die, is because it's always you that has done something that someone needs blaming for!”

Just for a moment, Shinya felt slightly envious. The two men were obviously very good friends. Shinya had never had that before. He'd never had someone he could act so naturally around - apart from Kaoru, that was, but his relationship with Kaoru was complex to say the least. They were friends, but not in the same way.

“Here ya, Shin-chan. Iced tea. I hope you like that sort.”

Shinya took the bottle with a murmured 'Thank you'. He was surprised to see that Die had managed to choose his favourite sort. He opened the bottle and took a sip, watching the other two continue to feed the turtles. Kyo and Kaoru were still sitting on the bench, deep in conversation. They stood that way in silence for a few moments more. Shinya was about to step forward and ask Toshiya if he could feed the turtles a little more when the man squawked and leapt forward, pulling on Die's arm.

“Die! Did you write your name on that poor turtles shell?”

“What? No! What are you talking about, Toshiya?”

“That turtle has your name on its shell! That's what you were doing over there, wasn't it?”

“How could you accuse me of drawing on a turtle, Toshiya?”

“Die. That one has 'Shin-chan' written on it. Now I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure turtles don't come with patterns that look like 'Die' and 'Shin-chan'.”

Shinya couldn't resist anymore. He ran forward to the edge of the pond to see if Toshiya was telling the truth. Sure enough, there were two turtles, one with 'Die' scrawled across its shell, and one with 'Shin-chan'. Fittingly enough, Die the Turtle was swimming around behind Shin-chan the Other Turtle, chasing it through the water. Shinya stepped back as Kyo and Kaoru came up to have a look, Kyo shaking with laughter and even Kaoru unable to suppress a giggle. Shinya had no idea what to make of it.

_He drew on a turtle! He drew on TWO turtles!_

He felt more than a little disturbed by that. He didn't even know you _could_ graffiti on a turtle. He looked at Die in anger before turning to sit on the bench.

_How could he do that to a poor defenseless turtle? WHY would he do that?_

Some small part of him stopped Shinya from yelling at Die though. Some part of him liked the attention that Die had shown him, even if it did make him angrier for liking it.

“It's okay, Shin. It's washing off already.”

Shinya looked up to see Kaoru smiling down at him.

“Seems you really have made a new friend, haven't you?”

Shinya scowled and made a huffing noise.

“Honestly, Shinya? I think you should give Die a chance. I think he'll be able to bring you out of your shell, pun entirely intended, in a way I've never been able to.”

Shinya looked up, pain across his face. He opened his mouth to tell Kaoru that he appreciated everything he had done for him, that he would try harder to make Kaoru happy, but the older man held up a hand, stopping him.

“It's okay. But I mean it. You should talk to Die. He'll be good for you.”

Shinya sighed, and nodded.

_It's only talking. And if it's for Kaoru, I can do it._

Still, Shinya felt the faintest of butterflies when he thought of the turtle with his name on it. It was small, and faint, and he didn't think even Toshiya had seen it, but it was there. The tiniest little heart, matching the one that Die had drawn on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note - a large chuck of the setting of this fic is based around things actually in and around Nara. The coffee shop itself is one we went to A LOT, we used to have lunch beside Sarusawa-ike, and yes, one day we really did see some turtles that had been graffitied with someones names (though it was so long ago I honestly can't remember what the names were).


	4. Chapter 4

The bell above the door jingled, and Shinya's head shot up. Just another random customer off the street. It had been a week since he had gone to the pond with Kaoru, Kyo, Toshiya and Die, and ever since then he had found himself searching for the redhead whenever he came back to Nara.

_Only so I can avoid him when I see him. He's so ANNOYING._

He sighed and put his head back down. He was getting progressively more frustrated as the week had gone on. His block had come back, and he was getting distracted by the tiniest little things. Time and time again, his mind would return to the day at the pond – more specifically, the turtle incident. The other three hadn't let up about it for the rest of the afternoon, Die especially getting teased mercilessly for it. Shinya's face burned once again as he remembered the smirks Kyo and Kaoru had given him. Despite all of that though, he still felt himself warm a little inside at the thought of why Die had done it.

“I haven't seen you smile, Shin-chan. Not even a little bit. I thought maybe it might cheer you up a little, and then I'd be able to see what you look like when you do smile.”

The taller man had flashed another one of his smiles then, and Shinya hadn't been able to stop his lips from curling upwards, just ever so slightly. He had quickly looked away then, but Die had already seen.

“I knew you'd have a beautiful smile.”

Shinya's head dropped to the table with a thud, but he barely noticed. It was too strange to think there was someone out there who cared enough about him, even after only two days of knowing each other, to want to see him happy and smiling. Someone apart from Kaoru, anyway.

“You'll give yourself a headache if you keep doing that.”

Shinya's head jerked up in fright, his eyes widening as he looked up to see Kyo sitting opposite him.

“What? Where did you come from?”

Kyo looked sideways and cleared his throat.

“Um. I came from the back office. I was talking to Kaoru.”

Shinya narrowed his eyes as he saw Kaoru step out into the store.

_I've been here an hour, and I didn't see either of them. Don't tell me they were out there all that time._

He cocked his head, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“What were you doing with my cousin? I don't think someone who has a boyfriend should be spending so much time hiding alone with another man.”

Kyo's eyebrows shot up.

“What? No. It's not what you're thinking, Shinya, don't worry about that. We were talking about you, actually.”

Shinya felt his stomach drop. That could not possibly be good.

“Or should I say, about you and Die. He really likes you, Shinya. I can't see why – well, no, I can see why, but I don't know why he seems to have formed such an attachment to you so quickly, considering you barely give him the time of day, but he does like you. He'd probably kill me for telling you flat out like that, but there you have it.”

“Why is everyone just kind of assuming that I like guys? Or that even if I did, I'd be at all interested in being set up with a stranger?”

“Don't you? And he's not really a stranger anymore, is he?”

Shinya sat staring at Kyo. Truth be told, he wasn't entirely sure how to answer that first question. 'No' felt altogether too close to a lie. But by the same token, he couldn't quite bring himself to say 'yes', either. He tried to think back over the people he had had crushes on over the years.

 _I've never had a crush on ANYONE..._ he thought in surprise. It didn't surprise him for long though. It was more that he hadn't actually even noticed before. Throughout his life, he had had too much happen to leave much time to even think of other people in that way. It was only because of Kaoru...

“Sorry. I probably shouldn't have said that. But I'm serious - just talk to Die. Hang out with him a bit. Let him help you make up your own mind. If nothing else, I know he'll make a good friend for you. And maybe then he'll get out of my hair, going on and on twenty-four hours a day, Shin-chan this, Shin-chan that, never giving Toshiya and I five minutes alone. Believe me, there's nothing more frustrating than having something like Totchi in front of you and not being able to do anything about it because your lovesick friend won't. Bloody. SHUT. UP!” Kyo's voice got louder and louder until by the end he was almost shouting. Shinya shrank back in his seat, simultaneously intimidated and embarrassed, yet more than a little intrigued.

_He talks about me THAT much?_

“Kaoru's already made me promise to try talking to him a little more,” he offered as an attempt at compromise.

“Your cousin is a smart man. Nice to see that much hasn't changed about him.”

“Kyo, how come I've never met you before?”

The older man sighed.

“That's Kaoru's story, not mine. You'll have to ask him if you want to know.”

Shinya sat back, curiosity almost overwhelming him.

_What went on with those two? I remember Kyo snorted when Kaoru introduced him as his friend..._

He decided that tonight he would definitely ask Kaoru about it. He wouldn't let himself forget.

“Not talking about me, I hope?”

Shinya looked up as Kaoru wandered his way over from the counter. He felt slightly guilty, even though they hadn't been saying anything bad. Kyo was the one who answered though.

“Why the hell would we want to talk about you, you stuck up bastard?”

“I knew you always loved me, Kyo.”

“Yeah, well, luckily for you we do. So there.”

Kyo took a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket and went to light it before Kaoru pulled it out of Kyo's mouth.

“This is a no smoking table, Kyo. And anyway, Shinya hates cigarette smoke. So none of that around him, okay?”

Kyo grumbled, but took the cigarette and returned it to its pack. As he dug around, his phone started to ring, causing Kyo to roll his eyes and Kaoru to grimace.

“No prizes for guessing who this is.” He sighed and pulled the phone out, answering it with a scowl.

“Hello? Yes, he's here. I told you I'd call you when I saw him. Huh? Fine, fine. Here he is.”

Kyo handed the phone to Shinya.

“It's Die.”

Shinya took the phone from Kyo's outstretched hand as the two men across the table exchanged knowing smirks. He brought the phone up to his ear, feeling butterflies begin a large scale migration through his stomach as he did so.

“Hello?”

“Shinya? It's Die. How are you?”

“Uh. I'm alright. How are you?”

“I'm good now. How are you?”

“You already asked me that.”

Die giggled, and Shinya could almost see him shuffling around in embarrassment. Sure enough, a second later there was a crash and a muffled yelp.

“Die? What happened?”

“Um. I kind of knocked over one of Kyo's tables. And kind of broke some sort of vase thing. Don't tell him.”

“Ahh...okay. I won't.” Shinya spun around in his seat, turning away from the twin gazes of Kyo and Kaoru as they listened with ill-disguised interest to Shinya's half of the conversation. “Why are you at Kyo's though?”

“Because Kyo has a phone.”

“Why don't you have a phone?”

“Because it got cut off.”

“Why did it get cut off?”

“Because I didn't pay the bill.”

“Oh.”

“So, um. Anyway. I was kind of wondering if you wanted to come to Kyoto tonight and go see a movie with me.”

“A movie? I don't really know about that. I mean, I don't have any money and I really don't know you - “

Shinya felt the phone being ripped out of his hand as he tried to speak, and before he could register what was going on Kyo was already answering for him.

“I'm coming back now, and I'll be bringing Shinya with me. There should be a train leaving soon so I'll see you in about forty-five minutes, okay? Good. See you soon then.”

“Kaoru! Tell him - “

“No, you should go Shinya. We've both told you, and now we're making you. Go with Kyo back to Kyoto, and have a good time with Die.”

“But I don't have money! I wasn't lying about that, you know.”

“It's okay,' Kyo replied. “Die'll pay for you. He's a real gentleman like that.”

“But he doesn't have a phone because he didn't pay the bill! How can he afford to take someone to the movies?”

“He didn't pay it because he's useless and forgets things like bills and responsibility. Not because he has no money. Now come on. We've got a train to catch!”

Shinya stared at Kaoru helplessly as Kyo dragged him by the arm out of the store. His cousin waved, a bright smile on his face. “Have fun, Shinya! I'll take your stuff home for you tonight, okay!”

  
*****

 

Shinya stood nervously outside Kyo's door. The older man had left him in the hallway of the apartment building while he retrieved Die from inside, and now Shinya didn't know what to do with himself. He brushed his hair out of his face and straightened his clothes. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the door reopened and Die stepped out. Shinya felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight. Die was wearing a dark pin-stripe suit, his hair looking much brighter and brushed back from his face, his eyes rimmed with black eyeliner.

“Shin-chan! You are here! I thought Kyo was lying. I didn't really expect you to come with him.”

“I – I – you look really nice tonight, Die.”

Mortification flooded through Shinya.

_What are you thinking, paying him a compliment like that? It'll only encourage him!_

But it was true. Die looked – well, beautiful was the only word for it. The previous two times Shinya had met him, Die had been in ripped jeans and old t-shirts, hair barely looking as though it had been brushed. Like this though...yeah. Good didn't even begin to describe the man in front of him.

“Thank you, Shin-chan! And you look as good as ever. Are you hungry? I thought maybe we could get something to eat before the movie. It'll be my treat.”

The mention of food made Shinya realise how hungry he really was. He hadn't had a chance to eat much today, and he was really starting to feel it.

“Um. Yes? But nowhere too flash, okay? It wouldn't be right, you paying for too much.”

“But I want to take you somewhere nice for our first date!”

Shinya froze at the word. He suddenly felt a little uneasy. What exactly did Die have planned for tonight?

“...date?”

“Or...our first time out as friends?” Die somehow managed to look so crestfallen, yet so hopeful that Shinya couldn't help but relax. He raised a hand to cover his mouth as he hid a laugh.

“That sounds better. Just for now, okay?”

Die's smile lit up his face as Shinya spoke, and he nodded.

“Whatever you say, Shin-chan. Now what did you feel like eating?”

“Whatever you want, Die. I'm not fussy. So long as it's reasonably healthy, I'm happy. Besides, you're paying. You should get to choose the food.”

“Good! Because I know the perfect place. You ready for our big night, Shin-chan?”

Shinya took a breath and nodded. Maybe hanging out with Die wouldn't be quite so bad, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

The two men sat opposite each other in the café, one laughing loudly, the other giggling into his hand.  
  
“I still can't believe you chose that movie. It was awful!” Shinya said between giggles, equally unable to believe that he had managed to actually sit through what was possibly the worst movie ever made.  
  
“Oh god, tell me about it. I am so sorry. But admit it. It was almost classic in its badness.”  
  
“Nope. It was just plain _bad_. And that after not having the fantastic dinner you said we were going to have!”  
  
“Hey! How was I supposed to know that they would pick this week to start their renovations? And anyway. This place isn't too bad, is it?”  
  
Shinya looked around. Die was right – it was an okay place. Even if there wasn't that much to eat.  
  
“Well, it's not as good as Kaoru's, but it's nice enough.” He felt his face heat up a little as Die smiled at him. It was a little strange. He still felt a _little_ uncomfortable in the man's presence, but it was almost as though the longer they spent together, the more Die _forced_ him into feeling relaxed, just through the sheer weight of his personality. The discomfort, so strong when they had first met, was almost gone, and fading faster and faster the more Die smiled at him. He ducked his head, eyes lowered to the table, suddenly shy.  
  
“You and your cousin are very close, aren't you? He almost acts more like a parent towards you.”  
  
“He kind of _is_ more like a parent to me.”  
  
Die laughed. “And what do your real parents have to say about that?”  
  
“Nothing. They're dead.”  
  
Die went silent, and Shinya looked up again to see the other man staring with his mouth open, eyes filled with sorrow.  
  
“Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean -”  
  
“It's okay, Die. How were you supposed to know? But it was years ago. I miss them, but I don't spend every minute mourning them. They wouldn't want me to live like that, anyway.”  
  
“What happened? If you don't mind me asking. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.”  
  
Shinya smiled at Die's concern. It was almost endearing, but he really was fine with it all. He had worked through it all with Kaoru's help years ago.  
  
“They died in a car accident. Isn't that just so cliché sounding? I was only thirteen at the time. I couldn't very well look after myself. But of all my family, Kaoru was the only one who volunteered to take me in. He was only eighteen himself. At the time I didn't think too much more of it than 'thank god someone wants me.' But now... I wonder what he was thinking? I mean, he basically gave up his life, gave up on all his dreams to look after me. I don't know why he did it, but I can never repay him. Never.”  
  
Shinya fell into silence, smiling at the memory of all his cousin had done for him. It was true – he could spend every day of the rest of his life trying to repay Kaoru, and it wouldn't even begin to come close.  
  
“So Kaoru is the one I have to thank for giving the world such a wonderful person?” Die said quietly. Shinya glanced up, searching his eyes only to realise he was completely serious. For the first time that night was glad he hadn't eaten a lot, because the butterflies that were there now would surely have begun causing major problems. He reached forward to play with the glass in front of him, Die's hand crossing to meet it. He watched the way Die's fingertips rested gently on the back of his hand, and to his own great surprise, Shinya let them stay there. Fighting down his still powerful shyness, he spoke.  
  
“So this is what a date feels like then, huh?”

When Die didn't respond, he looked up. The other man's mouth had fallen open again, but this time instead of sorrow in his eyes there was surprise, and more than a little happiness. He smiled at Shinya, and the younger man felt warmth spread through him as Die's fingers curled a little further around until his whole hand was encompassing Shinya's. Die squeezed his hand gently before letting go, moving to stand up.  
  
“We should get you to the station. Now that this is officially a date, I have to walk you to your door, and we'll have to leave now if I want to get a train back to Kyoto.”  
  
“What? Die, you don't need to do that. I can make it back to my apartment just fine.”  
  
“I know you can. But it's the gentlemanly way to end a date. Please?”  
  
Shinya couldn't resist the hopeful look on Die's face. He smiled, then nodded. He followed Die as he went to pay for their drinks, secretly glad he had someone to help him through Kyoto Station. As they made their way to the station, he watched Die out of the corner of his eye.  
  
_He... he's kind of cute when he's nervous._  
  
And nervous Die quite obviously was. He had his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat, but it wasn't stopping him from trying to fling his arms about as he spoke. Shinya had to smile at the way Die kept just babbling on about anything and everything in a constant nervous stream of words, the way he got so excited over the strangest little things. He spent so much time just watching the other man that he didn't really register they had arrived until Die was guiding him onto the right train. He sat on one of the bench seats, Die sitting next to him, so close their thighs were touching. Shinya left his hands in his lap, feeling much more nervous now than he had all night. Despite the nervousness though, the rather long day began to catch up to him, and the rocking of the train soon lulled him into sleepiness. He let his head fall until it rested on Die's shoulder.  
  
_Maybe I shouldn't be letting myself do this. But... his shoulder is exactly the right height for my head._  
  
He allowed his eyes to drift closed, and before he knew it Die was gently shaking his shoulder.  
  
“Shin? We're in Osaka. How many stops 'til yours?”  
  
Shinya blinked, peering around to get his bearings.  
  
“Oh! The next one. I'm so sorry I fell asleep on you!”  
  
Die got a decidedly odd look on his face before smiling.  
  
“It's okay, Shinya. I really don't mind.”  
  
Shinya wasn't entirely sure what to make of the expression on Die's face. He let his eyes roam over the other man, looking for some clue, until the redhead squirmed and stood up.  
  
“We're here then? How far away is your apartment?”  
  
“It's just around the corner from the station. It's not too far, so you should be able to find your way back okay.”  
  
They stood as the train came to a halt, Die momentarily losing his balance and bumping into Shinya. Shinya smiled to himself, not believing for a second that Die had only accidentally fallen before leading them off the train and out of the station. They walked in silence until they reached Shinya's apartment. Standing in the hallway, Shinya was now suddenly uncertain whether he was supposed to invite Die in or not. He wasn't sure he was really ready to have Die in his house, but that was how things worked, wasn't it? To his surprise though, Die solved the dilemma by taking Shinya's hand and pressing it to his lips before letting it fall back between them. He squeezed Shinya's fingers, then leaned in and kissed his forehead. Shinya's face began to flame, and he wasn't sure where he should look. Die's free hand lifted and brushed a few stray strands out of Shinya's face, then gently tilted Shinya's head until they were looking at each other.  
  
“So I suppose Kyo told you that I quite like you then?”  
  
“He has led me to believe that.”  
  
“He's not lying. I do. But I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you into anything. If you just want to remain friends, I'm happy with that.”  
  
Shinya just stared at Die.  
  
_Doesn't want me to feel pushed into anything? WHAT? All ANYONE has been doing is pushing me. But..._  
  
He looked down at the hand touching his.  
  
_I'm kind of glad they did._

 


	6. Chapter 6

“...Shinya? Are you still with us?”  
  
Shinya blinked and looked up at his cousin's bemused face.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I was asking you how your night went. With Die? What did you guys get up to?”  
  
“Um. It went okay. We saw the worst movie ever. Didn't have dinner. But he walked me home.”  
  
“He _what?_ He walked you from Kyoto to your apartment?”  
  
“Well, obviously he didn't _walk_ me the whole way, Kaoru. We took the train.” Shinya replied testily. His voice softened as he remembered the rest of the night though, his eyes unfocussing slightly as he spoke. “He walked me right to my door, then kissed my hand before leaving.”  
  
He smiled faintly as his hand drifted up to his forehead, fingers brushing the other spot Die had kissed him. He had to use all his will-power to suppress a giggle at the thought of Die. More specifically, at the thought of Die kissing him.  
  
 _Kissing me..._  
  
He found himself imagining how those lips would feel on his. They looked so soft, and Die was so gentle, and -  
  
“Shinya! I'm still talking to you!”  
  
Kaoru snapped his fingers in front of Shinya's face, causing the younger man to jump slightly in his seat as his eyes flicked back open.  
  
 _Oops._  
  
“I'm glad to hear that Die is turning out to be nicer than you originally thought though. Maybe Kyo was right.”  
  
Kaoru smiled as he said this, eyebrows lifting slightly as he teased Shinya gently. Shinya for his part poked his tongue out before a thought occurred to him.  
  
“Hey, Kaoru... what's with you and Kyo? You guys seem to have known each other since forever, but I've never met or even heard about him before. I've been meaning to ask you. I _did_ ask him yesterday, but he said it was your story to tell, not his.”  
  
Kaoru looked vaguely uncomfortable at the question and shifted in his seat to call Naoki over.  
  
“Naoki, Shinya and I are just going to be in my office. Just come and get me if you need anything, okay?”  
  
“Sure thing, boss.”  
  
“Don't call me boss.”  
  
“Sure thing, boss.”  
  
Kaoru rolled his eyes as Naoki grinned before waving them both away. Shinya followed Kaoru out to the back office, wondering why they couldn't just talk out in the main part of the café.  
  
“Kaoru? If you really don't want to talk about it, you don't have to.” Shinya said as Kaoru closed the door.  
  
“No, it's probably about time for you to know.”  
  
Kaoru waited until they were both seated before starting again.  
  
“Now, before I start I want you to remember that nothing that happened was anyone's fault. It took me years to realise that myself. But it's true.”  
  
Shinya nodded, feeling cold.  
  
 _What is he about to tell me?_  
  
“Kyo and I were together. I loved him, and he loved me.”  
  
“What?! You and Kyo? What?”  
  
Shinya's eyes shot open and he nearly leapt out of his seat, unsure whether to feel completely shocked or burst out laughing.  
  
“You and Kyo were together? How? What? How would that even work? You guys are so different! And, and... I didn't even know you – I mean, I was starting to wonder if you liked _anyone_.”  
  
Kaoru gave a wry smile.  
  
“Yes, I was with Kyo. You probably don't remember, but back then, he and I weren't so different. If things hadn't turned out the way they did, I'd still be just like him.”  
  
“So, what happened?”  
  
Shinya's curiosity had drowned out any feelings of apprehension. He still couldn't get his head around the idea of Kyo and Kaoru being together.  
  
 _At least that explains Kyo's reaction at being introduced as a 'friend'_.  
  
“While none of the family had ever met Kyo, when we were found out they weren't happy. Kyo being a guy was the least of it. The worst thing for them was what they had been told about him. They heard from someone – I don't know who – that Kyo had dropped out of high school, and was a bit of a trouble maker. They decided that he was a bad influence, and would lead me down the wrong path. Which if they had ever bothered to give him a chance, they would have found out that couldn't have been further from the truth. Well, he did drop out of school, but Kyo, in spite of his appearance, is actually a very generous and caring person.”  
  
Shinya nodded. He had been a little scared of Kyo when he first met him, but he was starting to learn that the man was the very definition of the phrase 'appearances can be deceiving'.  
  
“Anyway, it all kind of blew up. Your parents were the only ones who supported me. That night, the night they... well, they were on their way to pick me up. I don't think they'd told you, yet. I was to come and live with all of you, and in return I was going to help look after you, do things around the house, things like that. And Kyo and I would have been able to stay together. But... things didn't really work out that way, did they?”  
  
Kaoru had a look of such misery on his face that Shinya couldn't help but reach out and hold his hand. Kaoru gave it a brief squeeze, then continued.  
  
“I was devastated. I couldn't believe what had happened. I blamed my parents for it, I blamed Kyo for it, but most of all I blamed myself for it. I said things to him that should never have been said. Kyo and I never saw each other again. And I took you in. It was the least I could do after taking your parents away from you.”  
  
Shinya jumped out of his seat, flinging himself at Kaoru, pulling him into a tight embrace.  
  
“It was _not_ your fault Kaoru. I could never blame you for that. It was an accident! It could just as easily have happened if they were going to get dinner, or anything else. And I wouldn't ever blame Kyo, either.”  
  
He sat back a little, looking Kaoru in the eyes.  
  
“I am so grateful for everything you've ever done for me, Kaoru. Nothing will ever change that.”  
  
Kaoru smiled, and ruffled Shinya's hair.  
  
“So what's happening with you and Kyo now? You've been spending a lot of time together.”  
  
“Well, it was weird seeing him again. And a lot of things came back. But after talking, we realised we've both moved on. I have you and all of this, and he has Toshiya. Who he seems to love quite a lot, although he doesn't always act like it.”  
  
“I see. Well, Toshiya seems to love him, too. They make a good couple.”  
  
“They do, don't they? But now Kyo is trying his hardest to set me up with some writer friend of theirs. Kyo is out here almost every day, filling me in on how wonderful he is. Apparently while he's here, Toshiya is in Kyoto filling the other guy with similar crap about me. Apparently playing matchmaker is becoming a hobby of theirs.”  
  
“And? What's his name? Are you going to go along with it? Have you met him yet?”  
  
“No, I haven't met him. His name is Satsuki. I might meet him. Although I think it would have to be when Kyo and Toshiya are there. Blind dates alone aren't really my thing. But enough of me. How are things going with Die? As in, are you going to see him again?”  
  
Shinya flushed a little as he answered.  
  
“Um. He's coming over tonight. He said to make up for the appalling movie last night, he was going to bring over DVDs tonight, so we would have something actually _good_ to watch.”  
  
Kaoru lifted an eyebrow.  
  
“DVDs? In your apartment? Alone?”  
  
Shinya's eyes widened again.  
  
“I- that is, I – I mean -” he stuttered.  
  
“Shinya, relax. I'm only teasing you.” Kaoru laughed.  
  
Shinya pulled a face at the older man before standing.  
  
“Anyway, I had better get going. It's getting kind of late, and I want to tidy up before he gets there.”  
  
On impulse, he hugged Kaoru once more as he stood to say goodbye.  
  
“Go and meet this Satsuki. They turned out to be right about Die. I'm sure they'll be right about this guy, too.”  
  
Kaoru smiled and shooed Shinya off.  
  
“Maybe I will. You have fun tonight, okay? But not too much fun!”

  
  


*****

  
  
Shinya sat on the couch, fingers winding around each other nervously. He had cleaned the small apartment as best he could. Already he had polished the bench and coffee table three times each, just to give his hands something to do.  
  
 _Where is he? He said he'd be here at seven, and it's already ten past._  
  
He made his way to the window, peering out of the curtains, hoping to see Die walking along the road.  
  
Nothing.  
  
He sighed and turned back, walking over to the mirror to check his hair one more time. He patted a few looses strands back into place before turning his attention to his eyes. He had decided to put a little eyeliner on tonight.  
  
 _Not because I want Die to think I'm pretty. I just felt like doing myself up a little._  
  
Satisfied that he looked alright, he walked back to the couch and sat down. As soon as he leaned back though, there was a knock at the door. He jumped straight back up again, running to the door before stopping himself.  
  
 _You don't need to look THAT eager to see him!_  
  
He paused for a moment, straightening his clothes before turning the handle.  
  
“Hey. Sorry I'm late. Thought maybe I should stop and grab some stuff.”  
  
Die grinned sheepishly as he held up a bag full of chips and beer.  
  
“Movie food. And drink.”  
  
Shinya smiled and took the bag from him.  
  
“Sit down. I'll get a bowl for the chips, and then we can put the movie on. What did you bring?”  
  
“I brought a couple of different things. I wasn't really sure what you liked, so there's a range. But you get to choose, since I chose badly last night.”  
  
Shinya returned with the bowl and sat at the opposite end of the couch to Die before going through the pile of DVDs the other man had laid out.  
  
“Oh! I love this movie!” he exclaimed, pulling one out. “I haven't seen it for ages. Let's watch this one.”  
  
“You like that? That's just about my most favourite movie, too!”  
  
Shinya grinned before getting up to put the movie on. He settled back down to watch, but it wasn't too long before he realised that was going to be easier said than done. Having Die in his house was proving to be incredibly distracting. He couldn't concentrate on the movie, instead angling his head so it looked like he was watching the TV but could in fact see Die better.  
  
 _He's just so... handsome. And beautiful. How can someone be both?_  
  
Soon Shinya found himself watching Die more than the movie. He was completely enthralled, smiling at the way Die would laugh out loud at the corniest jokes, the way he would lean in as the tension built, then lean back again. Die turned to face him after one particularly bad joke, only to find Shinya staring. Shinya knew he should look away, but couldn't quite bring himself to. The smile on Die's face faded.  
  
“Shin?”  
  
“Yeah?” Shinya answered uncertainly.  
  
 _Maybe I scared him..._  
  
Instead Die motioned to him.  
  
“Come and sit with me.”  
  
Shinya slowly slid along the couch until he was next to Die. Die's arm shot out and wrapped around Shinya, pulling him closer until they were pressed against each other, Shinya's head resting on Die's shoulder. He could feel his hands shaking a little, and was glad he could keep them clenched together in his lap so Die wouldn't be able to see. Die's hand moved up to stroke the back of Shinya's head, and it was all he could do to keep his breathing even. Every little movement Die made, every touch made his breath catch, and he couldn't stop himself from snuggling in closer. His mind almost melted when Die leaned down to kiss the top of his head, breath tickling his hair as he whispered.  
  
“You look beautiful tonight, Shin-chan.”  
  
He looked up to find Die staring right into his eyes. It seemed that the world stopped at that moment, the two of them just looking at each other, until Die leaned down a little further. Shinya tilted his head, and as his eyes drifted shut he saw Die lean closer still, until suddenly, _finally_ , Die's lips were on his, ever so softly kissing him. His whole body tensed, then relaxed as Die shifted a little more and Shinya was able to wrap his arms around Die, pulling him closer. He felt the briefest tickle as Die's tongue flicked out. He opened his mouth a little, his own tongue darting out to meet Die's. He could scarcely believe the feeling as the kiss deepened, the way shock after shock of electricity ran through his body. He moaned, Die responding by tightening his grip on Shinya. How long they stayed like that Shinya didn't know, but finally they had to pull apart, the need to breath growing just a little greater than their need to taste each other. Shinya opened his eyes and gazed at Die, mind still foggy but not needing to know anything other than the fact that Die was there with him. Die leaned forward again, gently kissing Shinya's eyelids, and Shinya almost melted right there. He sighed as Die ran a finger down his cheek, before nestling his head back onto Die's shoulder.

 


	7. Chapter 7

“So? Tell me all about it. I'm assuming things with Die went well the other night, considering I haven't seen you in days, and you won't get that idiot grin off your face.”  
  
Shinya blushed, but couldn't remove the smile even as Kaoru teased him.  
  
“We had a very nice night.”  
  
“And? I haven't seen you all week. Don't tell me he's been at your place all this time?” Kaoru said, his eyebrows lifted in questioning amusement.  
  
“What? No! He left a little while after the movie.”  
  
He felt horribly embarrassed by the look on Kaoru's face and what it was implying. Not that the thought hadn't crossed his own mind once or twice...  
  
“So what have you been doing then?”  
  
“Well, I've been working. I'm completely caught up on everything, so I've been able to actually get paid. Yesterday I went to visit Die.”  
  
“And? How did that go?”  
  
“It was good. We just kind of hung out a bit.”  
  
 _Or made out on his couch. And in his kitchen. And in the hallway. And in the lift. And on the stairs._  
  
Shinya dropped his eyes even as his smile grew at the memory, convinced that Kaoru knew exactly what was running through his head. He couldn't believe he had ever thought that Die was annoying. He was absolutely the sweetest, most caring person Shinya had ever met.  
  
 _Well, maybe except for Kaoru of course. But that's an entirely different thing._  
  
“Anyway, what about you, Kaoru? Have you heard anything from that Satsuki guy?”  
  
“Not yet. Kyo's been going on about dragging us out somewhere, but he never gets any more specific than that. But I'm not in any hurry.”  
  
“Satsuki? Is that Toshiya and Kyo's friend Satsuki you guys are talking about?”  
  
Naoki wandered over to where Kaoru and Shinya were sitting, curiosity written across his face. Shinya answered.  
  
“Yeah. Do you know him?”  
  
“Yeah, he's a great guy. I also know that the two of them are incredibly protective of him. He's had a rough life, has Satsuki. You must have made quite an impression on Toshiya for him to be willing to try setting you two up, Kaoru.”  
  
Shinya looked at Kaoru and grinned.  
  
“Well, how could he not? He's Kaoru.”  
  
Kaoru wrinkled his nose at Shinya before leaning forward to ruffle his hair.  
  
“Back to you though. When are you seeing the wonderful Die again?”  
  
“Today. I'm meeting him here, actually. And he's ten minutes late, so he should be walking through the door right about... now.”  
  
All three heads turned to face the door just in time to see Die rounding the corner, looking surprised to see everyone looking at him and laughing. Trailing behind him was Toshiya, hands flying around as he patted his hair into place.  
  
“Shinya!” Toshiya exclaimed, bounding across the room to fling his arms around a shocked Shinya. “I don't know what it is you've done to Die, but keep it up. I've never seen him this happy. Seriously.”  
  
“Shut up, Toshiya,” Die said, a scowl on his face. “Hello, Naoki, Kaoru.” He offered the men a bow before turning to Shinya, the smile returning. “Hi, Shin-chan.”  
  
He sat down next to Shinya, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. Shinya was a little embarrassed at having Die show him so much affection in front of other people, especially Kaoru, but couldn't stop smiling back at him.  
  
“Hello, Die.”

They gazed at each other a moment longer as Toshiya squeezed himself next to Kaoru. Shinya's lips turned upwards in another smile as Die leaned in a little further, and despite Shinya's discomfort at showing affection in public he suddenly felt the distance between them was too far. Die's hand reached across under the table to rest on Shinya's knee. Shinya allowed himself to rest his own hand on top, their fingers entwining.  
  
“So. You three are all coming into Kyoto tonight.”  
  
They all stared at Toshiya, who sat looking quite pleased with himself. Even Die looked faintly confused.  
  
“What are you talking about, Totchi? Shinya and I have plans here in Nara.”  
  
“Yeah, but that won't take all day. And Kyo and I have planned a night out with you guys and Satsuki. So you _have_ to come. Especially you, Kaoru.”  
  
Kaoru raised an eyebrow at Toshiya's demand. Naoki stood hurriedly, exclaiming with what seemed to Shinya to be unwarranted enthusiasm that he had to be at the counter for the customers. Shinya looked around the still empty store and smiled. Even he had never had the nerve to just _tell_ Kaoru what to do.  
  
“I _have_ to come, do I?” Kaoru asked, eyebrow still lifted.  
  
 _This could get dangerous. Be careful, Toshiya!_  
  
“Come on you guys! Please? Kaoru, Satsuki is _really_ excited about meeting you. And I'm really excited about introducing you. Die, you owe me. You have to show up. And Shinya, it would be really really good if you could come, too. Die will just spend the entire night moping and acting all depressed if you turn him down.”  
  
“Turn me down? What? It's _you_ he'll be turning down if he decides not to come! Although it seems I don't really have much choice.” Die turned to look at Shinya with a slightly pleading expression. Shinya just smiled and nodded. Any time spent with Die was fine by him.  
  
“Okay, we'll be there. But that's it. I'm done with this whole 'I owe you' thing.”  
  
Toshiya clapped his hands in delight.  
  
“Great! Now that just leaves you, Kaoru. Everyone else is coming. You don't want to leave poor Satsuki by himself now, do you? Surrounded by the four of us?”  
  
Kaoru narrowed his eyes, then threw his hands up in the air.  
  
“Okay, fine. I'll be there. You're not leaving me a lot of choice though, are you?”  
  
“Nope!” Toshiya replied happily. “So we'll see you all tonight then? We'll call you with the when and where's as soon as we have it confirmed, alright?”

*****

  
  
Shinya sighed and rested his head on Die's shoulder. They had spent the entire day wandering around Nara, and were now on the train on their way to Kyoto to meet up with the others.  
  
“So what is this Satsuki like? And why _do_ you owe Toshiya?” Shinya asked, enjoying the warmth that was radiating from the other's body. Die let out a small laugh before answering, shifting his hand so it rested on Shinya's leg again.  
  
“Well, Toshiya got it into his head that it was because he told Kyo to tell Kaoru to tell you to go out with me that we managed to have our dates. So he says I owe him because if he hadn't done that, I'd still be chasing you and you would still be shooting me down.”  
  
Shinya giggled a little, deciding against telling Die that might have _actually_ been the reason he had given in.  
  
 _He doesn't need to know I needed so much pushing._  
  
“As for Satsuki... well. He's an interesting one. He really is a good person – we wouldn't hang out with him otherwise. But he can be a little skittish. He had a lot of bad shit happen in his life, and sometimes it does still affect him. But overall he's a happy, well-adjusted person. And amazingly talented. Kyo took him under his wing, so to speak, when he saw how talented he was. Ever since then he's just been going from strength to strength, and thankfully his confidence has been growing with that.”  
  
“So if there does turn out to be something between them, he'll be a good person for Kaoru?”  
  
“Yeah, I think he will be. And I think Kaoru will be just as good for him.”  
  
“I'm glad then. I hope they like each other, in that case.”  
  
“I'm sure they will.” Die leaned down to kiss Shinya's head. “Don't worry about them, Shin-chan. It'll all work out well. But this is our stop. Come on.”  
  
Shinya followed the older man off the train and out of the station, clinging to his arm as they wandered the unfamiliar streets.  
  
“Here we are. See? It wasn't too far.”  
  
Shinya looked around the restaurant they had entered. It seemed they weren't the last to arrive – Kaoru was still nowhere to be seen. Toshiya waved over at them, and they made their way to the table.  
  
“Remember that story I told you about that time Kyo wore a skirt and let Toshiya do naughty things to him until they went flying?” Die whispered, and Shinya nodded. “Well, this is the restaurant that it happened at.”  
  
Shinya stared around the very large, very full restaurant in disbelief.  
  
“How are they even still allowed in here? I would have thought they would have been banned after something like that!”  
  
“Never underestimate the power of money. Kyo spends virtually every spare yen he has at this place. It's amazing what people will overlook when you are putting their children through university.”  
  
Shinya squeezed his eyes shut, allowing Die to guide them a few steps. He made sure that Kyo and Toshiya were firmly in their own seats before approaching the table and allowing Die to introduce them.  
  
“Shinya, this is Satsuki. Satsuki, this is Shinya.”  
  
Shinya bowed as Satsuki stood.  
  
“I'm pleased to meet you, Satsuki.”  
  
“I'm pleased to meet you too, Shinya. Although it already feels like I've known you forever, the way Die goes on and on about you.”  
  
“Okay, yes, I think it's time to sit now.” Die hurried about, pulling a chair out for Shinya to sit on.  
  
“Awww, is poor little DaiDai embarrassed?” laughed Toshiya as he waved hello to Shinya. Kyo just grunted, but flashed a quick grin at Shinya. Shinya studied Satsuki as he greeted Die. The man was very attractive - almost as beautiful as Toshiya. He wore his hair long, flowing almost to his waist in dark brown ringlets around his face. His eyes sparkled as he laughed, and something about him immediately put Shinya at ease. He felt like he could trust this man with his cousin. He looked up to see Kaoru just walking through the door, and waved a hand to catch his attention.  
  
“Satsuki! That's Kaoru! Isn't he handsome?” asked Toshiya, pointing to Kaoru as he made his way over to the table.  
  
“Good evening, everyone.” Kaoru bowed deeply when he saw Satsuki, and Shinya could see how nervous he was. Toshiya introduced them, pulling out a chair so Kaoru could sit between Toshiya and Satsuki. It was all Shinya could do to keep from laughing out loud as he watched Kaoru and Satsuki look at each other nervously, both smiling shyly.  
  
“Don't they just look so cute already?” he whispered to Die, only to find Die staring at him with wide-open eyes. “What?” he asked uncertainly.  
  
“Nothing. It just suddenly occurred to me how beautiful you are, Shin-chan. I mean, I knew you were before, but now... I _really_ know. There is no one else who can possibly compare to you. And I don't mean just your looks, although those are about as fantastic as it's possible to be. Everything about you is just... beautiful.”  
  
Shinya's mouth dropped open, warmth spreading through him.  
  
“Oh my god, I heard that! DaiDai is in loooooove! Kyo, did you hear that? Did you?”  
  
Die scowled and threw a screwed up napkin at a laughing Toshiya, who responded only by laughing more. Kyo for his part just rolled his eyes, though the smile hidden behind those eyes was evident.  
  
Thankfully, as far as Die and Shinya were concerned, the rest of the meal settled down into low key discussions. Shinya watched his cousin, marvelling over the speed with which he and Satsuki seemed to be growing comfortable with each other. Eventually it was as though the rest of them didn't really exist for them, so deep in conversation they were. For some reason, however, watching the others had left him painfully aware of how close he was sitting to Die, and he felt the need to get away before he burst. He stood, excusing himself from the table to make his way to the bathroom. Once away from the noise, the close proximity to Die, he stood in front of the mirror, watching water drip down his face as he attempted to cool himself down. He didn't understand how having someone just sit next to him could have this sort of effect.  
  
 _Although the way he keeps resting his fingers on my leg, on my arm, on my face...it's probably not helping matters._  
  
He dried his face off, preparing to return to the table when the door opened and Die entered, looking worried.  
  
“Shinya? What's wrong? Are you okay?”

 

”Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.”  
  
“Then why did you come rushing out here? And you've been here so long. I was starting to get worried. Did I do or say something?”  
  
Shinya laughed. “Well. Kind of. But not in the way you're thinking.”  
  
“I did something? I'm so sorry! Tell me what it was, and I'll make it up to you.”  
  
Shinya laughed again, swallowing his nervousness and speaking.  
  
“Actually... it's just because you're you. You're sitting so close to me, and I felt like I was going to burst if I sat there any longer without touching you.”  
  
Die stood still for a second, just staring at Shinya before stepping forward and grabbing the younger man. Shinya felt himself being pushed into one of the stalls, back slamming against the wall as Die kissed him, their lips crushed together. He grabbed Die's hair, trying to pull him in closer, the tension that had been building all day finally being allowed an outlet. Die kicked the door of the stall shut, one hand letting go of Shinya to fumble with the lock. That job accomplished, he returned his full attention to Shinya, hips grinding into Shinya's, causing the younger man to moan in pleasure as their erections rubbed together.  
  
“God Shinya... I've been wanting to do this all day.” Die mumbled into the kiss, tugging on Shinya's shirt before shoving his hands up underneath, running his fingers along Shinya's skin. Shinya arched his back into Die's touch, eyes closed as he enjoyed every movement Die made.  
  
“Me too...” he managed to pant, tilting his head back when Die began kissing a trail down his neck. His body began to shake when Die slowly undid the buttons of his shirt, and he looked down to see Die lower himself to his knees, kissing his stomach and gripping his hips. Shinya's hands found their way back into Die's hair, goosebumps rising all over him as Die licked and kissed his way to his belt. His pants were beyond uncomfortably tight now, and all coherent thought had flown out the window. He closed his eyes again, and felt Die undoing his belt and lowering his zip. Before he knew it his pants and boxers were around his ankles and Die was running his hand up the inside of his thigh. Die's fingers merely brushed his erection and Shinya's knees gave out, Die catching him before he fell too far. They stood, Die wrapping Shinya's arms around his neck for support, leaning in to kiss him again, rubbing his still-clothed body against Shinya's partial nakedness. The sensation was almost too much for Shinya, and he cried out, arms tightening around Die's neck.  
  
“How far away is your place?” he whispered.  
  
“Not far,” Die answered, kissing Shinya's collar bone. “But I don't think I can walk much in this state.”  
  
“Neither can I. We'll get a taxi.”  
  
“What will we tell the others?”  
  
“We'll think of something.” Shinya replied, pulling Die's head up for another kiss.  
  
“We had better leave now then. I'm going to lose all my self control if you stand here like this in front of me for any longer.” Die panted, pulling away from Shinya. The younger man nodded, pulling his pants up and re-buttoning his shirt. He quickly ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to bring it back under control, then was hauled out of the stall by Die. Quickly they made their way back to the table.  
  
“Um. I left my window open at home. Shinya and I are going to go close it now.”  
  
Kyo barked out a laugh at the pathetic excuse Die had given.  
  
“Well, what's going on downstairs says you're off to do something _quite_ different, but whatever you say, Die. You kids have fun, okay?”  
  
Shinya followed Kyo's amused gaze.  
  
 _Yep. It's pretty obvious what's going on with Die._  
  
The other three gave them equally amused smiles and waved them off. They ran as best they could out of the restaurant and jumped into the first taxi, barely able to keep their hands off each other. They couldn't get to Die's place fast enough, and as soon as they had paid the driver they rushed straight into Die's apartment, door slamming shut at the same time Die slammed Shinya back into the wall. Now that they were here though, Shinya began to grow nervous.  
  
“Die?”  
  
“Yeah, Shin-chan?” Die answered as he bit at Shinya's neck, hands doing their best to get rid of as much of Shinya's clothing as possible.  
  
“I've – I've never done this before.”  
  
“What, with a guy?”  
  
“No. I mean ever. With anyone.”  
  
Die stopped, looking up at Shinya in surprise.  
  
“Never? You're a virgin?”  
  
Shinya suddenly felt ashamed, and looked away from Die.  
  
“Yeah. I'm sorry.”  
  
“What? Why are you apologising, Shinya? That is nothing to be sorry about! If anything, it makes me feel happy that you're allowing me to be your first.”  
  
“Really?” Shinya looked at Die, smiling again.  
  
“Really. And we'll go slowly. Just tell me if you feel uncomfortable about anything, okay? The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”  
  
Shinya responded by pulling Die back in, kissing him roughly and pushing himself back into Die. Die groaned in a mix of surprise and pleasure, leaning Shinya back into the wall. He lifted Shinya's shirt over his head, the kiss breaking only long enough to allow the garment to be flung to the floor. Die pulled Shinya back from the wall, turning him and walking them both back into his bedroom. Gently he eased Shinya back onto the bed, not once breaking away from the kiss. Shinya allowed Die to push his knees apart, the older man lying on top of him, running his hands up Shinya's sides until they reached his arms. Slowly he lifted Shinya's hands above his head, encouraging Shinya to hold onto the bars of the headboard.  
  
“Don't let go of that, okay?” Die whispered, and all Shinya could do was nod in anticipation. Ever so slowly Die kissed his way back down Shinya's chest and stomach until he reached his belt once more. Shinya strained upwards as Die undid the belt, pulling the restrictive clothing away much faster than he had done at the restaurant. He stared in wonder as the redhead pushed his hands down on his hips, forcing Shinya back onto the bed, before leaning down and licking his length. Shinya cried out at the sensation, fists curling around the bars even more. He squeezed his eyes shut when Die gently blew on the tip before wrapping his lips around Shinya's cock, enveloping him in moist warmth and gently beginning to suck.  
  
Shinya's mind lost all control at the feeling of Die's lips around him, at the overwhelming pleasure that he felt when Die's tongue slowly flicked over the head of Shinya's cock. His hips strained to push upwards into Die's mouth, trying to get more of that glorious feeling, but Die pushed back down just as hard, setting his own pace. Shinya moaned in pleasure at every bob of Die's head, and when Die started moaning back he thought he might explode. The vibrations caused by Die's voice increased the feeling beyond anything Shinya had thought possible, and it wasn't long before he felt the tightness in his stomach signalling his limit.  
  
“Die... I'm going to...aaahhh.” he cried out as Die increased his pace, everything going white has he came, Die continuing to suck until every drop Shinya had was gone. He lay panting, completely unable to move. Die crawled his way up to lie next to Shinya, stroking his hair softly as Shinya tried to get his breathing back under control.  
  
“So? How was that?”  
  
“I... you... wow,” was all Shinya could manage to pant out. Die laughed.  
  
“I'm going to assume you meant you liked that?”  
  
Shinya nodded furiously.  
  
“But look at you! You still have your clothes on. And that's got to be hurting by now.” He pointed at Die's bulging pants.  
  
“Um. Yeah, it is a little.”  
  
Shinya rolled onto his side, hands reaching down to loosen Die's trousers.  
  
“I probably won't be any good, but let me help you with that.”  
  
“If it's you doing it, it'll be more than good, Shinya.”  
  
That sentence gave Shinya the confidence he needed, and he reached down and wrapped his hand around Die's throbbing erection. Slowly, a little unsure at first, he began pumping, his hand moving up and down as regularly as he could manage. Die's eyes' popped open then squeezed shut, his hands coming up to grip Shinya's shoulders. Just doing this, touching Die so intimately, Die moaning with such a look of pleasure on his face was enough to make Shinya begin to grow hard again. He leaned in closer, pressing himself as far into Die as he could, crushing his lips against Die's. Just when he thought he couldn't keep up the pace any longer, Die's whole body stiffened and he batted Shinya's hand out of the way, crying out as he caught his come in his own hand.  
  
Shinya looked on in amazement as Die's eyelids slowly fluttered open.  
  
“I could have helped you finish. I don't mind getting a bit messy. After what you did for me...” Shinya trailed off as Die smiled at him.  
  
“Well, I'll certainly keep that in mind for next time. I just didn't want you getting too put off on your first time.”  
  
Die sat up, reaching with his free hand for some tissues and cleaning himself off. That done, he reached for Shinya again, pulling him to his chest and kissing the top of his head.  
  
Shinya sighed, relaxing against his lover's chest. He thought he could quite happily stay like that, in that very spot, forever.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Shinya walked down the path, smiling happily to himself. Die had seen him to the train, and after spending most of the trip in a pleasant haze, he had now arrived back in Osaka and was on his way to visit Kaoru. He had a feeling his cousin wouldn't be going to work today – from what Die had said this morning after calling Toshiya to get all the details, Kaoru and Satsuki had been almost inseparable all night, and couldn't be budged even when Kyo and Toshiya had wanted to leave.  
  
 _I'm glad things seemed to be going well for Kaoru...and I hope they continue that way, too._  
  
He felt vaguely guilty for leaving so early, even though Kaoru was apparently too wrapped up to notice for very long. He giggled and blushed a little when he thought about _why_ he had left. It was only now that the lust had worn off that he started to feel a little embarrassed for leaving so hurriedly, and so obviously. It wasn't like they could pretend it was for any other reason, not after Die's ridiculous excuse that he had given. But it had been worth it. He smiled, remembering the way Die had looked at him as they woke that morning. Any fears that maybe Die had been using him - and he hadn't even known those fears were there until they left – were banished when Die had just gazed into his eyes, and Shinya _knew_ there was no one but him that Die could see. Die had stroked his hair back from his face, planting feather-light kisses on his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids... everywhere that he could. After every kiss he would pull his head back a little and just smile. Shinya had never felt anything quite like what he felt when Die did that. It made him giddy even now, just thinking about it.  
  
Still feeling rather warm despite the chill on the air, and still struggling not to giggle, Shinya made his way up the stairs to Kaoru's apartment. He had almost made it to the door when he got rather a shock.  
  
“Satsuki?” he asked in surprise as the long-haired man walked out of Kaoru's apartment, followed by a serious looking Kaoru. Satsuki's eye widened in surprise, and he quickly glanced at Kaoru before looking back at Shinya, visibly shaken.  
  
“Shinya! I – I'm just leaving. I forgot to – to grab something off Kaoru last night. Forgive me for disturbing you. Goodbye, Kaoru. I'll see you later, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah. I'll call you and let you know what's happening. Bye, Satsuki.”  
  
And with that, Satsuki vanished down the stairs, almost running while Kaoru looked down after him, his face unreadable. He looked up at Shinya with a start, as if only just really realising he was there. He smiled though, and beckoned for Shinya to enter the apartment.  
  
“What was that all about?” Shinya demanded as soon as the door was closed. “There's no way he just turned up here. He stayed the night, didn't he? Didn't he? Wow, didn't you only just meet him last night?”  
  
“It's not what it looked like, Shinya. Yes, Satsuki stayed the night, but he slept in your old room. I hope that was okay.”  
  
Shinya frowned.  
  
“Of course it's okay. But what's going on then? You guys looked awfully... well, weird.”  
  
Kaoru reached a hand up to run through his hair. He sighed, rubbing his face before letting his hands fall to his sides.  
  
“Honestly? I don't know. You remember how the others said that he had a bit of a rough life, and that he could be a bit – skittish, I think was how they put it. Well, that's not the half of it. We were talking and talking and talking, and somehow the subject of his past came up. He told me everything. At least, he said it was everything, and I believe him. And now I really don't know what to do, how to act around him. I don't think today he can quite believe he told someone who is pretty much a stranger such personal things. But last night it just seemed right to do so. I don't know.”  
  
Kaoru rubbed his face again and dropped to the couch, slouched down, staring blankly ahead. Shinya walked and sat next to him.  
  
“Do you like him?”  
  
“What?” Kaoru asked, confused.  
  
“Do you like him?” Shinya repeated.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I just don't know if - “  
  
“Whatever he told you shouldn't make any difference. It was in his past, and you like who he is _now_. No matter how bad it was, it all helped shape him into the person you met last night. So if you like him, you should try to just deal with it and accept that it's part of him. And then continue liking who he now is.”  
  
“You're very idealistic, you know that?”  
  
“So? It doesn't make it any less true. And while I don't know what it is that he told you, I know that if you made the effort maybe something good could come from it. After all – he made the effort and took the risk to tell _you_.”  
  
“Stop being so sensible, Shinya. It's a little scary.”  
  
Shinya pulled a face and smacked Kaoru on the arm.  
  
“I'm right and you know it.”  
  
“And speaking of things that are completely unrelated and I'm in no way trying to change the subject, you left with Die in rather a hurry. And you're still in the same clothes. Would I be right in assuming you've come straight here from his place?”  
  
Shinya froze for a second before spinning around to face straight ahead.  
  
 _Ah, yes. NOW the embarrassment hits full force._  
  
“I – that is, we – he just - “  
  
Kaoru laughed.  
  
“Shin? It's okay. I'm sure I can work it out for myself.”  
  
“No! No working it out for yourself! None of that! And anyway, your working is wrong. When are you calling Satsuki? I think you should today. I think you should go on a proper, just-the-two-of-you date. With no one else there to interrupt. And and and, you could have lots of fun and really get to know each other. More. Um.”  
  
Shinya stopped talking when he realised Kaoru was laughing far too much to be able to hear a word he was saying.  
  
“Kaoru? Stop it.”  
  
All Kaoru could do was nod, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he clutched his stomach. Shinya sat, perplexed, until finally Kaoru got himself under control enough to be able to communicate.  
  
“I'm sorry. It's just... my little Shinya is finally growing up. And you're so embarrassed by me knowing! It's kind of funny, and cute, and makes me a little sad all at the same time. It really doesn't seem that long ago that you were a tiny little thirteen year-old, just moving in here. And now look at you. You know, there's nothing in my life that I'm more proud of than you, Shinya.”  
  
Shinya leaned over and hugged his cousin tightly.  
  
“Thank you, Kaoru.”  
  
“Love you too, Shinya.”

*****

  
  
“So? What are you doing today?”  
  
“Not a lot, actually” Shinya replied. The moment the phone had started to ring, he had known who it would be Die, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face when he had turned out to be right. “I've finished all my work, so I've got free time until the next job comes in.”  
  
“Good! Meet me in Nara. I want to hang out with you.”  
  
“When?”  
  
“Now! Get on the first train. I'm going to do just that. I miss you already.”  
  
Shinya giggled. “You're an idiot, Die. You know that?”  
  
“Yeah, but that's what attracted you to me in the first place. Now quickly! Train! I want to talk to you.”  
  
“You're talking to me now, you do realise?”  
  
“You know what I mean. Train! Now!”  
  
“Okay, okay. I'm going to leave now. Die, I - “  
  
“You what?”  
  
“Nothing. I'll see you soon, okay? I'll meet you at the café.”  
  
“Sounds good. See you then.”  
  
They said their goodbyes and Shinya hung up the phone. He bounced around the house, digging around to find enough money for the train. That sorted, he almost ran to the station, wanting to get there as soon as he could so he could see Die. It wasn't until he was there and sitting on the train that he had time to think.  
  
” _Die, I - “  
  
“You what?”  
  
“Nothing.”_  
  
Shinya pressed a hand to his stomach. He wasn't sure what was going on.  
  
 _That's a lie. You know exactly what's going on._  
  
He stared out the window at the passing buildings, and wondered what on earth he was doing.  
  
 _Maybe it was that conversation with Kaoru yesterday. It's got me thinking all sorts of weird things._  
  
He knew that wasn't quite true. Just as he knew that if he _had_ finished what he'd almost said to Die, it wouldn't really have been a lie.  
  
Shinya Terachi was falling for Daisuke Andou, and he was falling _hard_.  
  
He pressed his hand tighter to his stomach. How did this happen? It wasn't really that long ago that he couldn't stand the redhead. And now... things were happening rather quickly, and Shinya was powerless to stop it.  
  
And he knew that he didn't even _want_ to stop it.

*****

  
  
“Where are we going?”  
  
“We're going up to the shrine. Don't you think it's nice, walking through all that forest? All the trees, and the birds, and there shouldn't be too many people around at this time. It'll be perfect.”  
  
Shinya was surprised. He didn't think Die would be the sort to enjoy a walk through the forest.  
  
 _Just goes to show there's still so much I can have fun learning about him._  
  
Shinya nodded with a smile, allowing Die to lead the way. It was a fair distance from where they were, but he didn't even notice. He was too busy watching Die, listening to him talk, just _enjoying_ him to really pay too much attention to how far they were walking. Even once they were on the grounds, he barely noticed.  
  
“Come on. There's this little area just off the path with a fallen down tree that makes a good seat. We can rest there for a bit.”  
  
The warm, tight feeling returned when Die grabbed Shinya's hand, entwining their fingers together as he lead him away from the main track and into a secluded area, out of sight of anyone who may have been walking along.  
  
“See, look? It's even protected from the rain. This is the only dry patch around here, I'll bet.”  
  
Shinya smiled as they sat down, Die pulling Shinya in close and wrapping his arms around Shinya's shoulders.  
  
“You know, I've never brought anyone here before. It's kind of like my secret place when I want to get away from everything. But I wanted to share it with you, Shinya.”  
  
“It's beautiful, Die. You have no idea what it means to me that you brought me here.”  
  
Shinya looked up at Die with a smile, and Die reached up with one hand to touch Shinya's face. Slowly his fingers traced a pattern, his expression growing more serious. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Shinya's, softly kissing him before pulling back again and looking him in the eye.  
  
“I suppose – well, I think this is my way of telling you something. I've never met anyone quite like you, Shinya. Even though we really haven't known each other that long, it's a way for me to tell you that I think I'm falling in love with you. That I _have_ fallen in love with you.”  
  
Shinya sat in shock for a moment, and Die's eyes began to grow worried.  
  
“I'm not asking you to do or feel anything you don't want to, I know it's -”  
  
Shinya reached a hand up and pressed his fingers to Die's lips.  
  
“I think I've fallen in love with you too, Die.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

“Does it seem weird to you that things are happening so fast between us, Shin-chan?” Die asked as he stroked Shinya's hair. The two of them lay back on Die's couch, Shinya between the Die's legs, head resting on Die's shoulder. Shinya thought for a second before answering.  
  
“It seems like it _should_ be weird. But it's not. If that makes any sense.”  
  
“Good. Because it doesn't seem weird to me either.” Die kissed the top of Shinya's head just as a beeping sound came from the kitchen.  
  
“Dinner's ready! Up you get Shin-chan. Go sit at the table and I'll bring everything out.”  
  
“Are you sure you don't need any help with anything? Toshiya said -”  
  
“Toshiya has no idea what he's talking about. I _can_ cook. And besides, I said tonight _I_ was cooking for _you._ I can't very well ask you to help if it's my treat to you.”  
  
“I still don't know what I've done to deserve this, though.”  
  
Die grabbed Shinya as he turned to walk to the table, pulling him in for a tight embrace and another kiss.  
  
“You deserve it because you are Shinya and I love you. I don't think there's any better reason than that.”  
  
Shinya closed his eyes and breathed in, savouring the the smell that was Die – a mix of his shampoo, aftershave and the smells of his cooking. He ran a hand down the back of Die's head, smiling to himself.  
  
“I love you too, Die.”  
  
Just saying that still gave Shinya butterflies, and hearing it from Die was even worse. And the feeling hadn't faded one bit in the two weeks since the day Die had taken him to the spot in the forest. If anything, it had just grown stronger.  
  
“I'm glad to hear that,” Die whispered softly. “Now go. Sit yourself down and wait for the wonder that is the first home cooked meal I've managed in months!”  
  
Shinya pulled a face at that statement, suddenly wondering if he should have taken Toshiya's advice from a few days earlier.  
  
” _Die's cooking for you? How sweet! But... umm. How do I say this? Die's cooking is terrible. I refuse to eat at his place if he's cooking. He's a remarkably smart man, is our Die, but he just can't seem to get his head around the concepts of 'cook-book' or 'recipe'. So the best bit of advice I can give you is this: eat well before you go, and make sure to take a BIG dessert for afterwards. You'll need it.”  
  
“He's not really that bad, is he?”  
  
“Oh yeah, he is. In fact, he's probably worse than you're imagining right now. But who knows? Maybe he's improved. Maybe he will have practised so he doesn't kill you or send you running in fear. Yes. I'm sure he will have been practising. Even Die wouldn't be THAT silly, inviting you for dinner without having gotten better.”_  
  
He had taken Toshiya's word for it – Die would have practised, so he didn't need to eat first. And he had only brought a normal amount of dessert. Certainly not enough to keep them going if the dinner turned out to be a disaster. And now that Die said he hadn't been practising...  
  
 _It can't be that bad though, can it? I mean, it smells nice enough. In fact, it smells delicious._  
  
He watched Die filling the plates. The food _looked_ good enough as well. Toshiya must be wrong. Maybe he was just teasing him. That had to be it. The thought didn't stop him from feeling slightly apprehensive as Die approached the table. The apprehension only grew when Die sat and they picked up their chopsticks, Die looking at Shinya expectantly. Shinya smiled and hesitantly picked up a strip of meat, eyeing it suspiciously before taking the plunge and just eating it.  
  
“Wow! This is really good, Die!”  
  
Shinya was shocked to say the least. Shocked enough to not even be able to hide his surprise, and Die looked slightly hurt, yet very pleased by the reaction.  
  
“Did you think it wouldn't be? But I'm glad you like it.”  
  
“I – well, I just wasn't expecting something _quite_ so good.” Shinya said quickly before shovelling more of the food into his mouth.  
  
“It's okay, Shin. I know Toshiya would have told you what my cooking is normally like. He was over here all day yesterday, making me _swear_ I would use this recipe. He even dragged me out shopping to make sure I'd get the right ingredients. Honestly, I don't know what his problem is. So I like to improvise when I cook. I happen to think I make some very nice meals. Even if certain others can't appreciate them.”  
  
Shinya almost choked, he was trying so hard not to laugh at the indignant look on Die's face.  
  
“It's not that funny.” Die said flatly as Shinya's eyes spilled over with tears, his laughing now completely out of control. He clutched his stomach with one hand, the other flat on the table as he tried to hold himself up. He took several deep breaths, trying to regain his composure.  
  
“I'm – I'm sorry. It was just – that look on your face... it was...” He dissolved into laughter again despite his best efforts, and eventually Die smiled too.  
  
“I'm glad I could be of some amusement. At least you finished your dinner though. Maybe Toshiya's right. There must be something to this 'recipe' business. No one has ever finished a dinner I've cooked before.”  
  
This was all too much for Shinya, and his forehead banged against the table as he fell forward, quite sure now that he was going to die of laughter. After several minutes of this he finally sat back up only to see Die sitting across from him, arms folded, a bemused expression on his face.  
  
“You know, I haven't seen you laugh like that before. It's sort of cute.”  
  
Shinya pulled a face at Die before a thought occurred to him.  
  
“I didn't eat _all_ that food, did I?”  
  
“Yeah, you did. In fact, I don't think it was eaten so much as inhaled. I've never seen anyone eat so fast.”  
  
“Hmmm. Just goes to show how much I liked it then, huh?”  
  
Die smiled.  
  
“I guess so. Now go sit back on the couch. I'll clear this, then get the dessert ready.”  
  
“Okay. If you heat the cake I brought, the sauce will melt and it'll turn into pudding. It's better that way.  
  
Shinya started to offer to help Die clean, but the look the redhead gave him had him biting his tongue and making his way over to sit. After what seemed an eternity, Die finally returned with two bowls full of steaming hot pudding. They sat in silence, just enjoying the food and each other's company. They leaned forward at the same time to put the empty bowls on the coffee table in front of them, and Die turned to face Shinya.  
  
“Shin? I've been meaning to tell you something.”  
  
Shinya raised his eyebrows in curiosity.  
  
“Yeah? What's that?”  
  
“I have to leave -”  
  
Shinya's mouth fell open.  
  
 _What? But things are going so well..._  
  
Die laughed.  
  
“Okay, bad choice of words. I have to go away for work for a little while. Just to Tokyo, and just for a week or two.”  
  
Shinya felt the relief flood through him.  
  
 _Have I really gotten that attached to him already? I suppose I have..._  
  
“You know Die, I just realised something. I don't even know what it is you _do_. You never seem to actually be at work. What _do_ you do for money?”  
  
Die laughed again.  
  
“Didn't I tell you? You know how Kyo, and Satsuki, as well, for that matter, are writers? I'm Kyo's editor. I go over everything that he does before it gets published. And I check _everything_ , from his spelling to his facts. Which is why I'm off to Tokyo. That's where the publisher is, and his new book is ready to be printed. We like to be there when it starts.”  
  
Shinya stared at Die incredulously.  
  
“You're an _editor_? Really?”  
  
“Hey, I may not act like it all the time but I happen to be very good with words. I did really well at school. And university.”  
  
“So you and Kyo are going to Tokyo then? When do you leave?”  
  
“Actually, it's me, Kyo and Toshiya. Totchi always goes with Kyo, and as much of a control freak as Kyo is when it comes to his work, I don't think he'd be able to bring himself to leave Totchi behind. Which brings me to my next question. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come along too. It'd be fun, the four of us getting to hang out. And I'd like to go away and spend time with just you, too.”  
  
Shinya grinned, overwhelming affection filling him as Die looked at him with shy hopefulness.  
  
“I'd love to come away with you, Die.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

Shinya squashed himself a little further into the corner as people rushed by, trying his hardest not to get carried away in the flood.  
  
 _Die WOULD decide that we should meet during the morning rush-hour, wouldn't he._  
  
He pulled his bags a little closer, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose at the same time. Standing here in the middle of Kyoto Station, he was suddenly glad that he had gotten lost that time and ended up at the Shinkansen entrance. At least he had remembered it was relatively near to the platform he got off after arriving from Osaka. Still, it would be making him feel a lot better if he was standing here with Die. Or Toshiya. Or Kyo. Or, better yet, all of them. He glanced at his watch and sighed. They were late. Although he had learned fairly quickly that if Die was involved, being late was inevitable.  
  
He was actually rather excited about this trip. Not only was he getting to spend two whole weeks with Die, but he was getting to finally see Tokyo. Die had spent the whole week teasing him when he had found out the only places Shinya had been in his life were Osaka, Nara and Kyoto.  
  
” _You're joking, right?”  
  
“No. I've never left this area. There's never been any need to.”  
  
“What, not even because you're interested in seeing your country?”  
  
“Well, I always planned to one day. It just hasn't happened yet.”  
  
“So this is honestly going to be your first trip to Tokyo?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“This is going to be SO much fun.”_  
  
Die's grin had looked far more delightedly evil to Shinya than he would like. He made a note to himself to keep Toshiya as near as possible whenever they went out into the city, just in case Die tried anything. It wasn't like he could really look after himself in a city he had never been to before, and he had a feeling Die might try to take advantage of that fact.  
  
“Boo.”  
  
Shinya was startled out of his train of thought by that one whispered word in his ear, and he promptly dropped one of his bags straight onto Die's foot.  
  
“What are you doing, Die?! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”  
  
“A heart attack? You barely jumped! What about my poor shattered foot? Look. I'm permanently lame now.”  
  
“Weren't you always?” asked Kyo as the other two arrived just behind Die.  
  
“Yes, thank you Kyo. You know you aren't really helping, don't you?” Die said, shooting a glare at the shorter man.  
  
“Who says I was trying to help you? Now be a man and pick up your boyfriend's bags.”  
  
“What? Why can't _he_ be a man and pick mine up? I'm the injured one here.”  
  
Kyo slapped Die on the back of the head as Toshiya leaned in to whisper in Shinya's ear.  
  
“Do you ever wonder why exactly you're with him?”  
  
“I am right at the moment.” Shinya answered as he hefted his bags over his shoulder, watching the other two argue.  
  
“There's something about those two that brings out the childish side of each of them. I can never figure it out. Here's your ticket though,” Toshiya continued, holding his hand out to Shinya. “They really splashed out this time. Normally we just get an unreserved car and fight for seats. Not this time though. This time we get not only reserved seats, but seats in the Green car! I think Die's showing off a little for you.”  
  
Shinya stared at Die, then at his ticket, back at Die, then at Toshiya.  
  
“Green car? But... but that's first class! And this is non-smoking. Don't tell me he's making you all travel without smoking at all?”  
  
Toshiya pulled a face.  
  
“Not a chance. We'll be making our way up to the smoking cars. Kyo especially. He always gets particularly stressed out just before one of his books gets printed. He's quite sure that Die will have missed something and he'll end up looking like an idiot. We go though this every single time. It's almost a tradition. See? There they go again.”  
  
The two men turned as the voices of their respective partners rose.  
  
“I swear, this is the last time I'm coming with you for one of these Kyo! You're lucky you even got someone as good as me as your editor in the first place. How about some gratitude once in a while, huh?”  
  
“Gratitude? I pay you don't I? What more do you want?”  
  
“How about a thank you? Just try it! I'm sure you could utter those two words without shrivelling up and dying.”  
  
“Thank you, O glorious and marvellous Die. Whatever would I do without you? There. How was that for gratitude?” Kyo said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
“You need to die. You do know that, right?”  
  
“Screw you too, _Daisuke_. Come on Toshiya. It's time to go find the train.”  
  
“Shinya, you come with me. You don't want to be stuck with THAT for the rest of the trip.”  
  
“And they're like that every time, are they?” Shinya asked Toshiya as the two of them ambled along in the wake left by Die and Kyo.  
  
“Yeah, pretty much. It used to upset me, but now I just find it funny. By the time we get back to Kyoto, they'll be patting each other on the back, telling each other how wonderful they are and how everything went fantastically and aren't they just so lucky to be working with the best ever editor or writer, blah blah blah. That part I still find sickening.”   
  
Shinya looked ahead at the two men fighting to be first through the ticket gate and shook his head.  
  
 _This is certainly going to be an interesting trip._

*****

  
  
“It's just up here! I'm sure it's just up here...” Die squinted at the map in his hand, then looked back up the road.  
  
“I still don't see why we couldn't have stayed where we normally do.” grumbled Kyo before dropping his bag in the middle of the street. “Admit it, Die. You got us lost.”  
  
“I have not got us lost. We are just temporarily misplaced.”  
  
“You're fuckin' fired.”  
  
“You can't fire me, Kyo. You won't find a better editor than me anywhere.”  
  
“Which works out well really, considering _you_ can't find anywhere, either!” Kyo yelled, throwing his empty cigarette pack at the redhead.  
  
“Kyo, pick up your rubbish.” said Toshiya mildly, giving Kyo a nudge. The shorter man glared at Toshiya once before bending down and picking the box up.  
  
“Is this a tradition, too? Die getting fired, I mean.” Shinya asked as he and Toshiya stood back and watched Die and Kyo rant at each other a little more.  
  
“Oh yeah. I've lost count of the amount of times he's been fired. Usually two or three times every trip. Funnily enough he never seems to be re-hired. Just fired a lot.”  
  
“They are friends though, right?”  
  
“Yeah, of course they are. They're both just a little stressed out. Like I said – once they get the first copy in their hands and they can see for themselves that everything is fine, they'll be back to their normal selves. You might as well sit back and enjoy the show while it's on.”  
  
Shinya just nodded and continued watching. It _was_ somewhat amusing to see. And despite the _constant_ arguing, it was still easy to see that none of it was meant.  
  
 _Well, MOST of it isn't meant. Much. I'm sure at least part of it isn't completely serious._  
  
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN IT'S BACK THE OTHER WAY?!”  
  
“Look, it's an easy enough mistake to make -”  
  
“HOW COULD YOU NOT REALISE THAT ALL THE WRITING WAS UPSIDE-DOWN?”  
  
Toshiya giggled. “I knew this would happen. I think I'll take that.” He plucked the map out of Die's hand and studied it for a moment. “It's okay. I know where this is. We'll be there in five, maybe ten minutes, depending how long you two stand there bickering.”  
  
He smiled at the two older men, who both immediately quietened down and at least had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. Toshiya turned to Shinya and winked before grabbing his arm and pulling him forward.  
  
“I think Shinya and I will lead from now on. What do you think, Shinya?”  
  
“I think that's a wonderful idea, Toshiya. What do you think, Die?”  
  
Die mumbled something non-committal and shoved his hands in his pockets.  
  
“Iwouldvgotusthereventuly.”  
  
Shinya stared at Die, mouth open.  
  
“Were those even words you were using, Die?”  
  
“I said I would have got us there eventually.”  
  
“Yeah, but we're all also going to die eventually, and I think that was going to be sooner than you getting us there,” retorted Kyo. Shinya and Toshiya immediately leaped forward, Shinya grabbing Die and Toshiya planting himself firmly between the two who looked like they just might kill each other now.  
  
“Please, Shin. Let me kick him once. Just one kick, that's all I want.” Die pleaded, looking for all the world like a little boy begging for a lolly.  
  
“No, Die. Kicking your friends is usually considered just a little rude.”  
  
“Yeah, like he could get me anyway!” Kyo yelled around Toshiya.  
  
“Only because you're so low to the ground I'd have to get on my hands and knees just to find you!”  
  
Shinya and Toshiya gave each other strained grins as they hauled their boyfriends away from each others throats. Shinya turned Die so his back was to Kyo, and Toshiya did the same. Shinya smoothed Die's hair, forcing the older man to look him in the eye.  
  
“Now Die. Did you ask me here so you could spend time with me, or did you ask me here so I could get involved in you two's silly little fights. Because I for one would like to have a good time, and as amusing as this is to watch, I would quite like you in one piece for the _whole_ trip.”  
  
Die scowled at Shinya for a moment, then sighed and relaxed a little.  
  
“I'm sorry Shin. He just drives me _nuts_ sometimes! But I'll try to behave for you.”  
  
“That's better. Now come on. Toshiya will have us there in no time.”  
  
And true to his word, Toshiya had them at the hotel and checking in before they knew it. They made their way to their rooms, Shinya and Toshiya forcing Die and Kyo to apologise to each other before they entered. Shinya waved goodbye across the hallway, then closed the door as Die flopped down on the floor.  
  
“Oh good. They already laid out the futons.” he muttered, then got up and crawled over to push them together. “That's better. Now come here, sexy.”  
  
He lay back on one elbow, holding his other arm up and beckoning to Shinya. The blond smiled slightly, but didn't move.  
  
“I don't know, Die. Are you going to behave yourself?”  
  
“Not if you don't want me to,” Die answered, wiggling his eyebrows and licking his lips. Shinya dissolved into a fit of giggles, stumbling his way over to the futons before being pulled down on top of Die. Die pressed his lips to Shinya's, kissing him long and deep. When they broke apart, Shinya's eyes fluttered open to see Die grinning wickedly.  
  
“You know... this room has its own very nice en suite. And I don't know about you, but after that long train ride and then the longer-than-expected walk around Tokyo, I'm in need of a wash. A long, hot, soapy shower would be just the thing, I think.”  
  
“Is that so?”  
  
“That _is_ so. And I think having some company while I'm there would be even better.”  
  
“Really? Well, I'll just go get Kyo then. It'll be just the thing you guys need -”  
  
Die flipped Shinya onto his back, pinning his hands above his head.  
  
“You'd better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting, dear Shin-chan. Now grab a towel and get yourself in that bathroom.”  
  
“I'd love to Die, but you've got me pinned to this futon.”  
  
Before Shinya could blink Die had jumped to his feet and was holding a hand out to pull him up. Slowly he stood, holding tight to Die's hand. He allowed Die to pull him into the bathroom, the door clicking shut behind them. Slowly Die raised a hand to Shinya's face, brushing his fingers along his cheekbones, lips, hair, before leaning in and kissing him, softly at first but with increasing passion. Shinya felt his body respond almost immediately, and he shoved his hands under Die's shirt, running his own fingers over the other man's soft skin.  
  
“I think if we're going to be having a shower we should probably start running the water,” he panted, pushing Die's chest gently.  
  
“I think you're right.”  
  
Die turned and flicked the shower on, returning to Shinya immediately to help lift the blond's shirt over his head. Swiftly they stripped each other, not caring where the clothes went, each man only wanting to be able to feel the other's bare skin against his own. For a long moment they just stood in front of each other, eyes roaming up and down. Finally Die took Shinya's hand again and pulled him close, the two of them stepping together under the warm water. Shinya closed his eyes and ducked his head under, using his free hand to help the water run right through his hair. He felt Die shift, and suddenly his mouth was covered by Die's, the other man kissing him furiously, pressing him against the wall of the shower. Shinya wrapped his arms around Die's neck, returning the kiss with equal passion, pulling Die closer until their hips bumped together. Shinya shifted just a little bit more, causing their erections to rub against each other.  
  
“God, Shin...” Die moaned, his fingers digging into Shinya's sides. Shinya stood on his toes, bringing their eyes level with each other. They gazed at each other for a second before Die pushed forward, lips colliding once more, and Shinya tried pulling Die still closer as the older man's hands dropped, fingers caressing Shinya's lower back. Slower still those fingers moved down, and Shinya gasped when he felt one slide between his cheeks. Die kissed his way down Shinya's neck, whispering softly to him.  
  
“Just let me know if you don't want me to do that, Shin.”  
  
Shinya just moaned and pushed back against Die's finger. The intrusion felt odd, and slightly painful, but it turned him on in a way he couldn't believe. He moaned as Die began moving his hand, the finger moving slowly in and out. He felt himself relax more and more, giving himself over to the sensation. The movements in and out were growing faster now, and Die reached between them with his other hand to grab Shinya's erection, pumping in time with the thrusts behind. Shinya's eyes popped open. He clung tighter to Die as he felt his knees begin to weaken.  
  
“Die...” he moaned as Die began to pick up the pace, the water cascading over and around them both. It wasn't too long before the familiar tightening of his stomach began, and Shinya knew he couldn't hold on any longer. He cried out Die's name over and over as he came between them, his arms almost losing their grip of Die despite desperately clinging for dear life. Finally the feeling began to subside and he opened his eyes, vision once again returning. He blinked at Die then looked down at the other man's rock-hard member. Die opened his mouth to speak, but Shinya quickly lifted a hand to stop him.  
  
“It's your turn, now.” he whispered, slowly dropping to his knees. He leaned forward, hesitantly taking Die's length in his hand.  
  
“Shin, you don't -”  
  
“I want to, Die,” he said, before wrapping his lips around the head of Die's cock and beginning to suck. He tried to do what Die had done to him, his tongue swirling around, and he knew he had done _something_ right when he felt Die shudder and tangle his fingers through Shinya's hair. Shinya began bobbing his head, his hand doing the job where his mouth couldn't reach. Without realising it he began to moan softly as he moved, and suddenly Die's own whimpers grew much louder. Shinya began to increase his pace, gently encouraged by Die's hands. Shinya used his tongue as much as he could, finding that much to his surprise he was quite enjoying the taste of Die.  
  
“Oh god, Shinya, I'm going to -”  
  
Shinya felt Die tense, and quickly pulled his head away as Die came, still pumping with his hand as though to help every drop out. Die grabbed Shinya and pulled him back to his feet, kissing him almost violently as the water washed them both clean.

***

  
  
“God, I should have known you'd be this sexy...” Die murmured as they exited the shower, both wrapped in only their towels.  
  
“You two should really lock your door if you're going to be doing stuff like that.”  
  
“WHAT THE FUCK KYO, YOU FILTHY PERVERT!” Die screamed as Kyo's voice floated over from the direction on the futons.  
  
“Don't blame me. Toshiya said he wouldn't let me back into our room until I apologised to you. But now, you should apologise to me for making me sit through that.”  
  
“THE HELL I WILL! You could have gone somewhere else instead of sitting here like your normal voyeuristic self! Now get the hell out of our room!”  
  
Kyo smirked and stood, giving them both a mocking bow.  
  
“Nice to see you're both getting along well though.”  
  
“GET THE FUCK OUT NOW, KYO!”

 


	11. Chapter 11

Shinya pulled the blanket further over his head as the pounding continued on the door.  
  
“Shinya, I know you're awake! Die and Kyo have both left and I'm bored. Shinyaaaaaa~!”  
  
Shinya lay very still, hoping that Toshiya would think that he had gone out. He just _knew_ Kyo would have told Toshiya what happened last night, and there was no way he was going to come out and see _anyone_ until he felt a little less embarrassed.  
  
“Shinya, Die told me he left the door unlocked, so you should know that I can come in here any time I want to. Please, just let me in! I don't want to stay out here all day, and I don't want to come in without you letting me in.”  
  
“Fine. I'm coming.”  
  
Shinya got up, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and stamping over to the door. After fiddling with the lock, he flung it open.  
  
“You lied to me. The door _was_ locked.”  
  
“I know. But it worked, didn't it?” Toshiya said with a beaming smile as he sidled his way in past Shinya. “So. What are we going to do today? That other pair will be off until late afternoon at least, so we've got a lot of time to kill.”  
  
“Kill? Isn't that what those two are going to be doing to each other? After yesterday...”  
  
Toshiya looked thoughtful, then shook his head with a smile.  
  
“Mmmmm... nope! They both seemed pretty happy when they left. They were smiling a lot, at least.”  
  
“What? But last night... the last time they saw each other they did nothing but scream and make death threats!”  
  
“Well, Kyo has had some sleep, so he's not nearly so grumpy. And Die has had your calming influence, so that's probably cheered him up a bit too. Although I'm sure that'll all be starting to wear off by the time they get back. Which is why we need to enjoy the quiet while we can.”  
  
Shinya just stared at Toshiya. He looked so innocent, and wasn't even _attempting_ to make fun of what had happened last night.  
  
 _Could it be that Kyo actually kept it quiet? Toshiya doesn't seem to know at all. Maybe I underestimated Kyo. Maybe he ISN'T that bad, after all._  
  
Shinya looked at Toshiya again, and the almost pathetically hopeful look on his face helped Shinya to make up his mind. He grinned at Toshiya.  
  
“Okay. What do you want to do today then?”  
  
“I say we do something that makes the both of them _really_ jealous.”

***

  
  
The two men stumbled up the hallway, both breathless and giggling.  
  
“Shinya!”  
  
“Toshiya!”  
  
They straightened up as their respective names were yelled, trying to stop the laughter but failing miserably. Toshiya rested an arm on Shinya, trying to keep from falling over as they both squinted up towards their rooms. Kyo stood outside the door to his and Toshiya's room, hands on his hips and a look of disbelief on his face. Die stood opposite him in an almost identical pose.  
  
“What the fuck, Toshiya? Where the hell have you two been? It's after midnight! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?”  
  
“You too, Shinya! I've been out of my mind, thinking that maybe something happened to you, and – oh my god, are you _drunk_?”  
  
Shinya giggled again and turned to whisper very loudly into Toshiya's ear.  
  
“Did you hear that, Totchi? They were _worried_ about us! Isn't that just so, so, so...”  
  
“Cute! Kyo missed me! And Die missed you! They love us! And look! They must love each other because they aren't dead yet on account of them not killing each other, and they didn't kill each other because they love each other andohmygodIthinkImightvomit.”  
  
Toshiya slapped a hand to his mouth and ran past an open-mouthed Kyo, who immediately spun around to face Die.  
  
“This is all your fault, you bastard!” he yelled, flinging his arm out and pointing at the redhead.  
  
“My fault! How the hell could it be _my_ fault? If anything, it's your fault! You're the one who's been acting like an ass since we got here!”  
  
“Ha ha... Totchi has to vomit,” Shinya interrupted, weaving his way forward to lean on Die, managing to bump into several walls, Kyo, and what may or may not have been a family of goats, although on closer inspection it seemed to Shinya to actually be just another wall.  
  
“Ha ha... goats. No, monkeys! Aren't monkeys just the cutest things ever, Die?”  
  
“What? What goats? What monkeys? How much have you had to drink tonight, Shinya?” Die asked, shooting another glare at Kyo. “And shouldn't _you_ be looking after _your_ boyfriend?”  
  
Kyo refrained from responding, instead choosing to spin on his heels and slam the door behind him. Down the hall, a sleepy face peered out from behind a door, but quickly retreated when Die stared down, almost daring them to say a word.  
  
“Shinya? Come on. Let's get you inside.”  
  
Carefully he guided the drunk man into their room, wincing when Shinya stumbled, causing Die to crash into the door frame. He sat Shinya down on the futon before going and getting a glass of water, standing over him until the younger man had finished the entire thing, then refilled it and returned to sit next to him. Shinya shuffled closer, wrapping his arms around Die and resting his head on the older man's shoulder.  
  
“You're so nice and warm Die. Did you know that?”  
  
“Seriously Shinya. You had me – the two of you had _us_ \- so worried. Where did you go? Why were you out so late?”  
  
“Guess! Guess where we went!”  
  
“Um. Tokyo's a big place, Shinya -”  
  
“Too slow! We went to DISNEYLAND!” Shinya exclaimed happily, letting go of Die for a moment to fling his hands in the air.  
  
“What? You went to Disneyland without me?”  
  
“Toshiya _said_ it would make you two jealous. And you know what? It was so much fun!”  
  
“What, making me jealous?”  
  
“No! Disneyland! I saw Mickey, and Donald, and... I forget the others. But there's a dog. I love dogs.”  
  
“Wait a second. There's no _way_ you got this drunk at Disneyland. Where else did you go?”  
  
Shinya leaned more of his weight on Die, and the older man shifted to hold him up.  
  
“Well, after we finished at Disneyland, Toshiya took me to this bar that he knew. And we just talked. And drank. And I think we kind of lost track of time. But it was nice. I haven't really talked to Toshiya that much. Did you know he's really cool?”  
  
“Oh great. Now you're going to leave me for Toshiya.”  
  
“What? No I'm not! I like Toshiya, but I love you. Only you. And Toshiya likes me, but he loves Kyo. Only Kyo.”  
  
“So what did you talk about then?”  
  
“Kaoru. And Satsuki. Toshiya said he got a message from Satsuki this morning saying that he really really likes Kaoru. I'm so happy. And then we talked about Kyo. And you.”  
  
As Shinya spoke those last two words, he sat up and looked at Die.  
  
“I really love you, Die. I love you so much it almost hurts. I never thought I would meet anyone who would mean anything like this to me. But then you turned up, and even though I hated you at first... you made me see something that I've never seen before. You made me feel something that is just... I can't describe it. Saying 'I love you' just isn't enough. It's not even close to what I feel for you.”  
  
He grabbed Die's hands and leaned forward, kissing him gently on the forehead. Die lifted one of his hands and rested it on the side of Shinya's face.  
  
“God, I love you too Shinya. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone.”  
  
Shinya smiled and shifted until he was sitting cross legged.  
  
“You want to know a secret, Die?”  
  
“Well that all depends on what the secret is.”  
  
“Actually, I have two. The first one is that Toshiya used to have a crush on you.”  
  
Die sat very still for a moment before answering.  
  
“I did not know that. That's certainly an... _interesting_ secret for you to tell me.”  
  
“It's okay. He thinks it's funny that he would think of you like that now. He said no one even comes close to Kyo.”  
  
“Alright. And the other secret?”  
  
Shinya lifted Die's hand off his face and brought it down. Die's eyebrows almost shot off his face when he realised _where_ exactly Shinya was putting it.  
  
“I'm horny as hell.” Shinya whispered, licking his lips and launching forwards to pin Die to the futon. “I'm drunk, and I'm horny, and I think I'm ready to have sex with you. _Sex_ sex, I mean. Not that what we've been doing isn't good. But you know what I mean.”  
  
He leaned down, kissing Die hungrily, pressing their bodies together. Die moaned into the kiss, pulling down on Shinya before slowly pulling away, disentangling Shinya's hands from his hair and gently pushing the blond back. Shinya looked confused, and slightly hurt.  
  
“Die? What's wrong? I thought – what did I do?”  
  
“You didn't do anything, Shin-chan. It's just... believe me, I want to do this as much as you. But you're still so drunk. I don't want to take advantage of that. And I want you to be able to remember in the morning. I want our first time to be special, as girly as that sounds.”  
  
Shinya stared down, and Die wasn't entirely sure that Shinya wasn't going to punch him.  
  
“You know what? This is exactly why I love you. But you're wrong. I _will_ remember in the morning.”  
  
“Maybe you will. But I don't want to risk it. I don't want to end up having the best night of my life so far, and have you only have a hazy memory of it.”  
  
Shinya pouted.  
  
“But... you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna tell Kyo I'm not going with him tomorrow. You and I are going to spend the day together. We'll go everywhere. I'll show you Tokyo. And then we'll go out for dinner. And then... who knows.”  
  
Shinya grinned evilly and nodded.  
  
“Who knows indeed. I think I know _exactly_ what will happen,” Shinya said, tilting his head. “But until then... what am I supposed to do about this?”  
  
He sat up straight, pointing at the pronounced bulge in his pants.  
  
Die pulled Shinya back down.  
  
“I'm sure we can think of one or two ways to deal with that...”

 


	12. Chapter 12

“So what are you doing with me next, Die?”  
  
Shinya looked up at Die as they walked along the street, licking his ice cream slowly.  
  
“Oh god, Shin. Please don't say it like that when you're doing something so suggestive. We're in a public place and I'm not entirely sure I can control myself.”  
  
“What? Don't you like the way I'm licking this ice cream so slowly, running my fingers along the cone... oh look! A drip. I had better just lick that right up,” Shinya replied, running his tongue slowly along the edge of the cone, not once taking his eyes off Die. The redhead stared, transfixed, before coming to his senses and shaking his head.  
  
“Stop that, Shinya!” he hissed. “You're driving me crazy. Unless you _want_ me to just throw you behind that tree and do you right there.”  
  
Shinya looked upwards in contemplation, and Die squeezed his own eyes shut.  
  
“You know, I'm not complaining in the slightest, but what the hell has gotten into you?”  
  
“Well, hopefully you soon.”  
  
“ _Shinya_!”  
  
Shinya pouted then laughed and poked Die in the side.  
  
“You're so much fun to tease, did you know that? So now I can get my own back from all the times you've teased _me_. And in any case, it's your fault. You've brought out some dark, dirty side of me that I didn't know was there. But you're just so hot, and you make me feel things...” and Shinya feigned a stumble at this, thrusting his hips into Die and rubbing a little so he could _show_ Die just what he meant. The older man's eyes shot wide open, his face growing bright scarlet, which just made Shinya start giggling even more. He was intensely amused, the way Die had been so surprised that Shinya knew exactly what he had done and said last night. He had been convinced that Shinya would have forgotten all about it, he was so drunk, but Shinya never forgot. He wasn't sure if it was just the effects of the alcohol still hanging around, but right then he felt completely uninhibited, and had no problem telling – and _showing_ _-_ Die exactly what it was he wanted tonight.  
  
Die wrapped an arm around Shinya's shoulders, pulling him closer.  
  
“So when we _do_ do it, will it hurt much Die?”  
  
Die's cheeks, just beginning to settle down, began to flame again as people stared at Shinya's _incredibly_ loud questioning.  
  
“Shinya,” he whispered. “I'm not sure that the middle of a busy Tokyo street is the best place to be discussing this.”  
  
Shinya grinned and rested his head on Die's shoulder.  
  
“Maybe you're right -”  
  
“I think that should be 'you're definitely right, O great and glorious Die'.”  
  
“ _Maybe_ you're right, O sexy Die,” Shinya continued, jabbing Die in the ribs, “but you should still be taking advantage of this. Who knows how long it'll last...” he trailed off.  
  
“What do you mean?” Die asked, suddenly alarmed. “You're not planning on leaving me already, are you?”  
  
“No, idiot!” Shinya laughed, swatting Die's arm. “I just meant you know this mood won't stick around forever. Much as I hate to admit it, I'm not normally this outgoing. You know I usually refrain from talking about even normal stuff. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm still a little drunk.”  
  
“Well, according to Toshiya this morning, the pair of you had a _hell_ of a lot to drink last night. So I really wouldn't be surprised if you still were. Toshiya sure as hell was. Which really means you got bang for your buck. Alcohol that leaves you drunk for an entire day. Wish I could find some of that.”  
  
Shinya smiled again.  
  
“It's probably just that my body isn't used to processing it. It doesn't know what it's supposed to do with it all, so it just leaves it there. But what now? It's starting to get dark. We still have to get dinner.”  
  
Die thought for a moment, amusing Shinya with his look of concentration.  
  
“I honestly don't know what I want to eat. What do you want?”  
  
“Hmmm. Well, I don't really feel like eating at a restaurant, if that's okay with you.”  
  
Die nodded, looking relieved.  
  
“Good, because I didn't really want to either. So that leaves the question: What _do_ we eat?”  
  
“Well, there's a Lawson Station just down from the hotel. We could just grab something from there and sneak it back to our room.”  
  
“That, Shinya, is the best idea I've heard all day.”  
  
“What, better than the idea I had where we go back and you fuck me senseless?”  
  
Die choked on air, then grabbed Shinya's hand.  
  
“Let's go then.” he said, pulling Shinya into a run.

***

  
  
As soon as Die had locked the door he turned and slammed Shinya into the wall, food falling, forgotten immediately, to the floor. Shinya pulled Die closer to his body, clawing almost frantically at Die's shirt as they pressed their lips together, tongues darting out to meet each other straight away. Shinya whimpered a little as Die began grinding their hips together, the cloth of their trousers seeming to be _far_ too thick to Shinya.  
  
“God... Die...” he panted, arching his back a little as Die's arms snaked around him. He thrust his own hands up the front of Die's shirt, running his fingers over hard nipples, then gently scraped his fingernails down Die's stomach, all the way to his belt buckle. Die groaned, his stomach muscles tensing at the contact. He dropped his arms to cup Shinya's ass, massaging gently before suddenly grabbing Shinya and lifting him. Shinya wrapped his legs around Die's waist, throwing his head back as the older man began nipping at his neck. Die took another half-step forward, pinning Shinya more firmly to the wall, and let go with one hand, bringing it up to begin gently massaging Shinya's crotch.  
  
Shinya's moans grew louder, and he reached up to tug at Die's shirt, growing frustrated when it refused to move. Without thinking he grabbed a piece of material in each hand and _pulled_ , tearing the shirt wide open. Die's head jerked up, eyes wide open in shock.  
  
“Oh god, I'm so sorry Die! I didn't mean -”  
  
Die interrupted Shinya's attempt at apologising with a long, deep kiss.  
  
“That was the single hottest thing anyone has ever done to me, Shin.”  
  
“But your shirt -”  
  
“I have other shirts.”  
  
Die claimed Shinya's lips once more, and Shinya relaxed very quickly as Die resumed his massaging.  
  
“Die... I want you...”  
  
Die's breath hitched, and he looked up at Shinya.  
  
“Are you sure this is what you want?”  
  
“Of course I am. How have you still not figured that out?”  
  
Die grinned and turned, carrying Shinya towards the futon. Shinya unwrapped his legs from around Die as the older man lowered him to the floor, then reached up to his neck to pull him down on top of him. Slowly they eased back, Die's hands not stopping their slow exploration. He pressed down a little harder, and Shinya lifted off the ground as the sensations ran through him. Die shifted, hands now working on removing as much of Shinya's clothing as possible. Die whistled lightly as he pulled Shinya's boxers down, exposing his length.  
  
“You are eager, aren't you?” Die teased.  
  
“Just as eager as you, _Daisuke_. Now you better get those clothes off. Or else.”  
  
“Or else what?”  
  
“You don't want to know.”  
  
Die started laughing, and before he knew what was happening Shinya had flipped them around and had begun tearing at his pants. As soon as he had Die's lower half naked, he leaned down, pressing their erections together, claiming Die's lips in much the same way that Die had claimed his when they first entered. Die's arms wrapped around him again, pulling him closer and further up. The redhead tipped Shinya's head back, kissing a path down his neck as his hands worked lower, fingers trailing a path down, down, down, lower still until they reached Shinya's entrance. Slowly he began caressing him, Shinya's breath catching. This felt even better than he imagined, Shinya's body and mind focussing ever more on the sensations and nothing else.  
  
“Is this okay, Shin-chan?” Die whispered, and Shinya nodded.  
  
“It's more than okay.”  
  
“Just tell me if you want me to stop.”  
  
“I don't want you to ever stop, Die.”  
  
Die smiled and withdrew his fingers, causing Shinya to whimper at the loss.  
  
“Sorry. I just need to get something that will make this a bit easier on you.”  
  
Shinya nodded as Die lifted him up and off him. The older man reached over to his bag, digging around for a moment before pulling out a tube and condom. Shinya raised his eyebrow, and Die grinned.  
  
“Hey, better safe than sorry,” he said with a shrug.  
  
“I'm glad you plan well, Die.”  
  
Die laughed and took the lid off the tube, squeezing out a generous amount of the gel over his fingers. He threw the tube down, not worrying about the lid, and moved back between Shinya's legs, nudging them wider with his knees. He leaned forward, lips against Shinya's once more, his fingers carefully rubbing at Shinya's entrance. The blond pushed down against Die, quietly moaning as he begged for more. Die's finger slipped in, thrusting in and out, Shinya relaxing slowly around it until Die added a second. His fingers turned, searching for their target.  
  
“Oh shit, Die!” Shinya cried out as Die's fingers found what they had been questing for, and began massaging again. His fingers tightened on Die's shoulders, nails digging in hard enough to leave definite marks. “Please Die... I want you inside me. I want to feel you...” he panted again, suddenly frantic to have as much of Die as he could take. Die pulled back, gazing down at the look of rapture that was already on Shinya's face. Keeping his fingers working, he reached around with his free hand for the condom, tearing it open with his teeth. He withdrew his fingers to quickly roll the condom over, returning them to their job as quickly as he could before picking up the lube again. Not caring about the mess he might make, he squeezed more lubricant over his own erection before discarding the tube and spreading it over. He eased one more finger in to test how relaxed Shinya was, surprised when Shinya's body didn't fight it at all.  
  
“You ready, Shin?”  
  
“God _yes_ , Die. Now. Please...”  
  
Shinya felt Die remove his fingers for the last time and reposition himself, his prepared cock pressing softly against Shinya's hole. He felt a brief moment of apprehension, but pushed it down. Slowly Die pushed inside, and while it felt odd to Shinya, the pain wasn't as bad as he had expected. He clung tight to Die's arms though, and couldn't stop a low moan escaping when Die stopped moving.  
  
“You okay, Shinya?” Die panted, and it was obvious to Shinya that it was taking all his will to not pull back and thrust back in.  
  
“Don't stop, Die. Whatever you do, don't stop.”  
  
Die nodded and pulled back slowly before pushing back in. Shinya's hips rose to meet Die's as he returned, eager to take him as deep as he could. In tandem they moved, their cries entwining with each other as their sweat soaked bodies collided. Die dropped closer to Shinya, propping himself up on one elbow while the other hand grabbed Shinya's cock, pumping as he pushed in and out. Shinya felt something snap inside himself, and he started thrusting back against Die harder and faster, throwing the timing of Die's hand out but not caring in the slightest.  
  
“God, Shin...” Die moaned as he tried to match Shinya's timing, face flushed and eyes barely open.  
  
“Die... please, I want to make you come. I want you to make me come...” Shinya whispered, causing Die's eye's to pop wide open. His thrusts became even more violent, and Shinya lost all coherency and just moaned Die's name as he came closer and closer to coming.  
  
“Shinya, I'm going to...” Die cried out before letting out a shuddering groan, his whole body tightening up. He managed a few more thrusts, his hand still going as Shinya came, spilling the milky white mess between both of them, the two of them panting as Die collapsed on top of Shinya, his face buried in Shinya's hair. They lay in silence for a few minutes more before Die pulled himself out, reaching over for his torn shirt to clean himself up.  
  
“That was... wow.” Shinya managed, turning his head to face Die.  
  
“You can say that again,” Die replied, getting up to dispose of the used condom. “You want something to clean yourself up with?”  
  
“Uh... yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks.”  
  
Shinya felt his face flushing even more as Die returned with some tissue paper, handing it to him. Shinya hurriedly cleaned himself off, then walked over to throw the tissue in the toilet before returning to lie next to Die again.  
  
“You know, I think Toshiya should take you out drinking more often if this is what ends up happening,” remarked Die, sliding his arm under Shinya's neck. His smile was so big that Shinya could hear it in his voice. “Though I probably don't actually want to know how drunk he got, as well.”  
  
“He was _so_ drunk last night. Oh! I hope he doesn't mind that I told you he used to have a crush on you. You're not going to tell him I told you, are you?” Shinya said, suddenly remembering he had told Die.  
  
Die's face went blank.  
  
“No. No, I won't tell him I know.”  
  
“Die? Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah. I'm fine, Shinya.”  
  
He turned to Shinya and smiled, but it seemed to the younger man that Die's eyes had suddenly become so very distant.  
  
_There's more going on here than I know about._  
  
His stomach grew cold, and it suddenly occurred to Shinya how little he _really_ knew about all of them. He knew almost nothing of their pasts, nothing of what they were like before he met them... hell, he didn't really know the other two at all, and when it came down to it, didn't know Die either. He didn't realise how much he was drawing in on himself until Die spoke.  
  
“Are _you_ okay, Shinya? You've gone awfully quiet.”  
  
“Die... you do love me, right? I'm not just...”  
  
“Of course I do, Shinya! I love you more than I thought possible, and no one else!” Die exclaimed. He pulled Shinya to his chest, kissing the top of his head.  
  
“I love you too, Die.” Shinya whispered, but he couldn't help but feel he was missing something.  
  
_I didn't even mention him loving someone else..._ he thought with a troubled sigh.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no, teh ~*drama*~, featuring wise and calm Kaoru. Yes, I'm just making fun of my past self.

Shinya stared out of the train window, watching the landscape fly by. He could feel Die's confused gaze on him, but couldn't bring himself to look back at him. Thanks to some speedy work by the printers, Kyo had gotten his copy of his new book early and, satisfied, had decided they should cut their trip short. This made Shinya happier than he had thought it would.  
  
 _Now I don't have to wonder what's going on every time I see Die and Toshiya together._  
  
And that was exactly what he had been doing. He knew it was stupid. He knew Die loved him, knew there was nothing going on between him and Toshiya.  
  
 _But how do I know that there never was? How do I know that the reason Die reacted the way he did was because he wanted Toshiya, too?_  
  
He resolved to talk to Kaoru about it as soon as they got back. He didn't think it was the best idea to go accusing Die of things. He didn't even really know _what_ he would be accusing him of anyway, and knew he would just come off sounding like a whiny, insecure... well, _brat_. Talking to Toshiya or Kyo was equally out of the question. So Kaoru it was. He had called before they left, letting him know when they would be back so he could be there to pick Shinya up. But in the meantime...  
  
“Shin-chan? Are you really okay?”  
  
Shinya felt Die's hand hesitantly touch his thigh, and he took a breath before turning to face the redhead, forcing himself to smile at Die. None of this was his fault, and it wasn't fair to make him think he'd done something.  
  
“Really. I'm okay, Die. I'm just feeling a bit tired, and looking forward to getting back to Osaka.”  
  
Die smiled, but Shinya could tell he didn't believe him.  
  
“Alright. Are you sure you don't want to spend the night at my place? Or do you want me to go with you back to Osaka?”  
  
“I'll be fine, Die. Kaoru is going to meet me at the station. And I'm sure I'll be able to make it that little bit extra by myself. And anyway... you need sleep. So get some sleep then come and see me tomorrow, okay?”  
  
Shinya reached his hand up to brush his fingers along Die's cheekbone. He felt guilt course through him at the look of hurt that flashed across Die's features, but he pressed it down.  
  
 _It's better for him if I work this out by myself. He doesn't need to know what my idiot mind is thinking,_ he thought with a wan smile.  
  
“Alright. Just let me know when you're ready for me to come over tomorrow.”  
  
Shinya smiled, the first full smile he had given in days.  
  
“Just come around as soon as you wake up and can get your clothes on, alright?”  
  
Die grinned, his shoulders relaxing. Shinya hadn't realised just how tense Die had been until he saw that, and his guilt went up another notch.  
  
“Good. Because this trip is going to make me miss you even more when we're apart.”  
  
Shinya smiled once more, and squeezed Die's hand before turning to look out the window again.

***

  
  
“So? How was it?” Kaoru asked with a smile as he took one of Shinya's bags off him.  
  
“It was good.”  
  
“Okay. What happened? I know that look. You say it was good, but something _wasn't_ good. So tell me.”  
  
 _Well. THAT took a lot less time than I thought it would._  
  
Shinya shook his head as they made their way to find a train to their station.  
  
“It's nothing, really. It's just me being stupid.”  
  
“Really? Tell me. I know you want to. You wouldn't have called for me to come pick you up otherwise.”  
  
“I would so!” Shinya huffed, throwing his bags up into the baggage rack before taking a seat, insanely grateful that he had arrived when the trains were almost empty. That had been one shock about Tokyo – the trains there were _always_ full.  
  
“Anyway. I told you. It's stupid. I want to tell you, but you'll just think I'm being an idiot.”  
  
“I already think you're an idiot. I'm just joking!” he exclaimed when Shinya lifted his fist to belt him. “Anyway, when it comes to you, I know that there'll be some reason behind what you're thinking. So go ahead.”  
  
Shinya sighed.  
  
“Okay. It started the other night, when Toshiya and I went out drinking. We both got kind of drunk,” and Kaoru raised an eyebrow at this, amusement plain on his features, causing Shinya to pull a face. “ _Anyway_ ,” Shinya continued, “Toshiya told me he used to have a crush on Die. It was just when they first met, but then he met Kyo and since then it's only been Kyo. I told Die that, and his reaction was kind of weird, but I didn't really think too much of it. I was a bit too drunk to really care. But then the next day, I remembered that I had told him, and asked him not to tell Toshiya that he knew. And then he got _really_ weird, and said things, and I'm sure it's nothing but now I can't get it out of my head that maybe Die had a thing for Toshiya too and now he's wondering what would have happened if they had both known. Or maybe even that there _was_ something going on. And I just don't know, because I really don't know any of them, and...” he trailed off miserably. Having voiced his fears, he felt relieved, and stupid, and more than a little scared that he was right.  
  
“You think I'm silly for thinking these things, don't you?”  
  
“Of course I don't. It's only natural, really. As you said yourself, as much as you love Die, you don't really _know_ him. And now you guys are starting to come out of that little honeymoon period that comes at the beginning of every new relationship, so your mind is starting to fixate on what _might_ go wrong. Those two things are combining to make you think things like that. The big question though, is do you _trust_ Die? I mean _really_ trust him?”  
  
“Of course I do. I know he wouldn't... but... I just keep thinking these things, and watching the way they act around each other...”  
  
“I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to Die about it. If I know you at all, and I do, you haven't been doing a very good job of hiding the fact that _something_ is off kilter. And that's got to be getting to him. Am I right?”  
  
Shinya looked at his cousin out of the corner of his eyes and nodded slightly.  
  
“Why are you so wise, Kaoru?”  
  
“You forgot handsome and talented, Shinya. And it's just the way of the world, I'm afraid. Some of us are just plain _awesome._ ”  
  
“I grumble at you.”  
  
“What?” Kaoru said, laughing.  
  
“You're going to make me talk to Die about this, aren't you?”  
  
“Of course I am. And anyway... you know I'm right.”  
  
“I suppose so. But enough about me. How are things with Satsuki? I hear Toshiya got a text from him a couple of days ago going on about how much he likes you.”  
  
Kaoru's face closed off, but Shinya could see the smile hiding just underneath the surface.  
  
“Things are good. We're taking things very slowly at the moment. But it's good. I really enjoy having his company.”  
  
“So? Have you kissed him yet?”  
  
“Shinya! That's no sort of question to just go and ask someone!”  
  
Shinya bounced in his seat, clapping his hands.  
  
“Oohh, you have, haven't you? I bet you two were taking full advantage of everyone being away. I bet if I go and ask Naoki he'll say that you've barely been at work, and that when you _were_ there, Satsuki was right there next to you.”  
  
Kaoru looked at Shinya like he had gone mad, but kept quiet. Shinya didn't fail to notice the way Kaoru's lips were twitching though, and knew that he was right on the mark.  
  
“I'm glad for you, Kaoru. Really.” Shinya said quietly.  
  
“Yeah. Me too. Honestly, after all that stuff with Kyo... I didn't think I would ever find anyone. Who would've thought it would turn out to be Kyo himself who found the right one for me.”  
  
Kaoru stared off at nothing, and Shinya felt himself grow warm inside. Kaoru looked so happy and peaceful. He was truly glad that Kyo hadn't given up on trying to set the two of them up. The train clacked along, and the two cousins sat in silence, Kaoru filled with thoughts of Satsuki, while Shinya worried about how to talk to Die.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a Kyo/Totchi side story :3

“Totchi. What are you doing.”  
  
“I'm... cheering you up?”  
  
“And why exactly do you think I need cheering up?”  
  
Kyo stared at his lover, nowhere near as angry as he was trying to make himself out to be. It didn't really matter to him that Toshiya knew that, either. It was just a game the two of them had fallen into playing – Kyo taking the role of the angry artist, Toshiya revelling in his own role as the playful love interest. They had just arrived back in their apartment, bags just dropped into the middle of the floor, and now they both stood in the kitchen, leaning out the window as they enjoyed a quick cigarette each. Well, that's what they had started off doing. Toshiya had finished his cigarette in record time and was now leaning on Kyo, reaching around to tickle under his chin.  
  
“Well, you know. You and Die were at it more than usual this time. I thought maybe you were feeling a little tense. Maybe you need some relaxing...” the younger man whispered, leaning in closer until his lips were grazing Kyo's ear.  
  
“Mmm... maybe you're right,” Kyo mumbled, his eyes drifting closed. “So let me finish my smoke in peace.” he continued, eyes snapping back open as he shoved Toshiya off him.  
  
“But Kyo, I want to have sex now!”  
  
“Toshiya, if I gave in every single time you wanted sex, _nothing_ would ever get done. We'd never leave the bedroom.”  
  
“Sounds good to me.”  
  
“Yeah, well I like to eat and sleep sometimes. And, you know. Occasionally see other human beings.”  
  
“You're an asshole, you know that?”  
  
“Yeah, but that's what you love about me.” Kyo answered, lazily blowing another cloud of smoke out the window. He allowed himself a smile as he saw Toshiya pout, then wander off to find wherever he'd chucked his pack of smokes to.  
  
“I might as well just have another cigarette then.”  
  
Kyo stood still, enjoying the relative peace and quiet that was this part of Kyoto in the afternoon. He felt rather than saw Toshiya return, and unconsciously leaned into him.  
  
“So what the hell did you say to Shinya when you guys went out? He was acting pretty strange the last couple of days, and he barely spoke to Die on the way back today. And don't even think about denying that it was you. I know you, and you would have said _something_.”  
  
He looked up to see Toshiya's look of injured innocence and smirked.  
  
“Toshiya?”  
  
Toshiya frowned and closed his mouth.  
  
“Honestly, I don't know. My memory is a bit hazy from about the time after we left Disneyland, and I know I didn't say anything that might have caused it then. I'm sure if I'd said something later I would remember...”  
  
Kyo smile grew a little wider at Toshiya's puzzled look. He really was trying to remember, and it amused Kyo no end. Eventually he took pity on him and decided to help.  
  
“Well, it might be something you said about Die. It's him that he's been acting the weirdest around. I think we can pretty much rule anything about me out, because if anything he was _more_ relaxed when he was talking to me.”  
  
Toshiya scrunched his face up again.  
  
“Nope. Still can't think of anything.”  
  
“Oh well. I'm sure you will eventually. Just don't wake me up when it _does_ come to you at three in the morning.”  
  
“Honestly, Kyo. Do you think I'd do that?”  
  
“Yes. Yes I do.” Kyo answered, remembering the last time it had happened. “Just because you're usually still too asleep when you do it to remember the next morning doesn't mean it doesn't happen.”  
  
They stood in silence a while longer, Kyo finishing his cigarette then waiting for Toshiya. They made their way over to the couch, Toshiya lying down so he could rest his head on Kyo's lap while Kyo absent-mindedly stroked the younger man's hair.  
  
“Hey, Kyo...” Toshiya spoke after a while, sounding rather tentative.  
  
“Yeah Totchi?”  
  
“I've been meaning to ask you something.”  
  
“Ask away.”  
  
“It's just... You know Kaoru?”  
  
Kyo gave Toshiya an odd look.  
  
“Of course I do.”  
  
“Well... I was just kind of wondering _how_ you know him. You and he seem to be quite close.”  
  
Kyo sighed. He'd known he was going to have to have this talk with Toshiya sooner or later.  
  
“He was the first guy I was ever with. My first real boyfriend.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
They sat quietly for a few minutes longer, Kyo waiting for Toshiya to ask his next question.  
  
“Did you love him?”  
  
“Yes, I did.”  
  
“And did he love you?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Again the silence descended. Kyo thought it best to let Toshiya decide how much information he needed.  
  
 _It wouldn't be fair to dump it all on him at once. But I won't hide anything, either._  
  
“So how about now?”  
  
“What about now?” Kyo answered, momentarily confused.  
  
“Do you still love each other?”  
  
“No, of course not. Not like that, at least. To me he's just Kaoru – yeah, he holds a special place for me, but he's my past. And I'm sure for him I'm the same. We're both completely different people from who we were back then.”  
  
Toshiya sat up, turning until he was sitting cross legged, facing Kyo.  
  
“So what happened?”  
  
“Shit happened. A lot of shit. It was mostly happening to Kaoru, but I was caught in it too, and it tore us apart. For the longest time I was so angry at him for letting it happen. But I can understand how it happened that way, too. And now, I think it was for the best, although it certainly didn't seem like it at the time. Because if that hadn't happened, I never would have got my shit together. And then I never would have met you. And _that_ is something that I can't even bear to think about.”  
  
“Aaawww, Kyo!” Toshiya grinned. “Are you getting all soppy now? Don't worry. I love you too.”  
  
Kyo just snorted as Toshiya got up.  
  
“I want a beer. You want one while I'm up?”  
  
Kyo shook his head and returned to thinking about what was going on with Die and Shinya. Die had been _very_ quiet once they had gotten off the train, barely saying a word besides 'goodbye' as they had parted. It was a little worrying. He had known Die for years now, and he'd never seen anything get him down like that before. And he had a feeling it wasn't just the way Shinya was acting. He had been stealing glances at Toshiya the whole way back, which was what had made Kyo think it _was_ something Toshiya had said to Shinya. Toshiya was obviously going to be completely useless, so he had to find some other way to find out so he could help.  
  
“Kaoru!” he exclaimed.  
  
“What?” Toshiya asked, startled, as he stopped halfway through sitting back down.  
  
“ _You_ can't remember what you said, but Shinya tells Kaoru everything. So all we need to do is ask him, and then we can start getting it sorted. It's okay. You can tell me what a genius I am later on.”  
  
Kyo sat back, feeling entirely pleased with himself.  
  
“I don't know. Isn't that a bit like interfering?” Toshiya asked, looking doubtful.  
  
“It's _exactly_ like interfering! But come on. You know Die as well as I do. He's not going to do anything about it. It is our _obligation_ as his best friends to sort this out. Especially since it was probably your fault to start with.”  
  
Toshiya looked alarmed.  
  
“Oh my god. It probably _is_ my fault isn't it? I'm a horrible friend! I might be ruining the first actual relationship Die has had in... when _was_ the last time Die was in an actual, proper relationship? I don't think he's really had one the entire time I've known him. Nothing that's lasted more than a week or two, anyway.”  
  
“Idiot.” Kyo said, smiling at Toshiya as he pulled the taller man into him. “You're a great friend.”  
  
He kissed Toshiya, softly at first, then with increasing force.  
  
“But before we get started on that... is your offer still open? Because seeing your face all innocent and pouty like that is _really_ starting to turn me on.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we reach peak ~*drama*~. It all gets better after this lololol

  
Kaoru sat on the couch, enjoying the feeling of Satsuki's head on his shoulder. The younger man wore his hair loose today, and it cascaded down in soft ringlets as Kaoru ran his fingers gently through it.  
  
“Kaoru?” Satsuki sat up suddenly, forehead creased with what looked to Kaoru like worry.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You've been really quiet the last couple of days.”  
  
Kaoru smiled. He had learnt that this was very typical of Satsuki – making some statement, then waiting for Kaoru to fill in the gaps the statement opened up.  
  
“I'm just a little worried about Shinya.”  
  
“That's funny, because ever since they got back from Tokyo I've been a little worried about Die. Kyo and Toshiya are too. Die won't tell us what's going on though. He just walks around, being all quiet. Which is not very like him. I'm sure you know that though. And every time we mention Shinya, he gets even weirder, and looks sad. Do you know what's going on with them?”  
  
“I don't know about what's going with _them_ as such, but I know what's going on with Shinya. I imagine that's what's affecting Die, anyway.”  
  
Satsuki just nodded and smiled, but didn't press any further. Kaoru knew he wouldn't. Satsuki had his own secrets, secrets he had for some reason decided to share with Kaoru even though he almost never told anyone, and so never pushed to know anything about anyone that they didn't want to tell him.  
  
“Well, whatever ends up happening, I know Shinya at least will be alright if he has you there with him.”

Satsuki smiled again as he spoke, then ducked his head as though suddenly overcome by shyness.  
  
“Just as I know Die will be fine if he has you around him.”

Kaoru lifted Satsuki's hand to his lips, softly kissing his fingers. Satsuki closed his eyes, and Kaoru savoured the sight of that face for a few moments more, cursing under his breath when the ringing of the phone broke the silence. He got up to answer, leaving Satsuki to curl himself up on the couch.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Kaoru! Just the man I was after!”  
  
“I should think so, Kyo, considering it's my house you just rang.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I really need to ask you something. And I know you know, so don't even try to think about wriggling out of answering me.”  
  
“Well you know that all depends on what it is you're asking me.”  
  
“What did Toshiya tell Shinya in Tokyo? He can't remember, but he feels awful because he's sure it's because of what he said that Die and Shinya have gone all weird on everyone.”  
  
“What makes you think Shinya told me anything?” Kaoru asked, suddenly guarded.  
  
“Come on. You're like his best friend and father figure rolled into one. Of course he told you.”  
  
“Even still, I don't know why you think I'd break that confidence.”  
  
“Kaoru! I'm doing this for Die! He's absolutely miserable. Have you seen him lately? Die of the huge annoying smile and constant chatter and laughter? 'Cause I haven't seen him since Tokyo. All we've got here is someone who _looks_ like Die, but mopes around, sighing and generally acting emo. It's getting beyond irritating. And much as I hate to admit it, it's starting to bother me a little. I've never seen him like this before.”  
  
Kaoru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. This _was_ a dilemma and half, and no mistake. He had told Shinya he needed to talk to Die, but obviously he still hadn't, and the whole situation was really starting to affect him. Kaoru could see it, even though Shinya tried to deny it. Nothing he was saying was making any sort of difference. Maybe Kyo and Toshiya _could_ help. Then again, that would be like betraying Shinya. He hadn't told him _not_ to tell anyone, but at the same time, Kaoru didn't think he would appreciate it very much. Or at all.  
  
“Kaoru? You are still there, right?”  
  
“Yeah, I'm here.”  
  
“So? Tell me. If it makes you feel any better, we won't tell anyone that you told us. We can just say that Toshiya remembered all of a sudden.”  
  
“The thing is, I don't know how much you'd like it either.”  
  
“Me? Why?”  
  
“Well, it sort of affects you, too.”  
  
“So now you are _obligated_ to tell me. There you go. You aren't telling me to interfere with Shinya's life, you're telling me to interfere with mine. Which in this instance you have my full permission to do.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Fuck, of course I'm sure Kaoru! Just tell me already.”  
  
“Okay. Toshiya told Shinya he used to have a crush on Die.”  
  
“He said what,” Kyo answered flatly, and Kaoru decided he should have listened to himself and just kept quiet.  
  
“Um.”  
  
There was silence on the phone as Kaoru tried to think of something to say. He looked desperately toward Satsuki who was sitting on the couch, starting at Kaoru with his mouth open.  
  
“Kyo? You okay?” he tried, hoping that Kyo wasn't too hurt by the revelation.  
  
“Toshiya, you fucking idiot! You told Shinya you used to have a crush on Die! What the hell was he supposed to think of that?”  
  
Kaoru listened to some squawking on the other end that sounded very much like Toshiya saying 'I said _what?_ ' before Kyo burst out into laughter.  
  
“It's alright, Kaoru. I already knew that. Toshiya felt this need to 'come clean' with me, as he put it, when we first got together.”  
  
“He did?” Kaoru asked, thoroughly confused by this stage. He looked back at Satsuki who was now doubled over in laughter, his shoulders shaking as he tried to keep quiet.  
  
“Yeah, he did. Not that it bothers me. I know Die is no match for me. Poor guy never had a chance once Toshiya laid eyes on me.”  
  
“Wait. So Die...”  
  
“Used to have a thing for Toshiya, too. Poor bastard waited too long though, so I snatched Totchi away and he's never looked back.”  
  
“Oh shit. Shinya said he told Die, and Die went all strange on him. Did Die know that Toshiya felt something for him?”  
  
“No, we always kept that quiet. Oh shit. I just realised what you're getting at. Fuck.”  
  
Kaoru sighed again.  
  
_Poor Shinya. He doesn't deserve this._  
  
“So what do we do, Kyo?”  
  
“We have to make them talk to each other. They obviously aren't doing that at the moment, or they would have sorted this out. Fuck Toshiya! Why can't you learn to control that damned mouth of yours?”  
  
Kaoru listened to the two of them snipe at each other for a few minutes longer before the two friends said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.  
  
“So the shit is hitting the fan, as it were?” Satsuki asked when Kaoru returned to sit next to him.  
  
“You could say that. Did you know about this whole sorry mess?”  
  
“Yeah. Toshiya is useless at keeping quiet. I'm amazed it was kept from Die for so long.”  
  
“But why the secrecy? Surely it would have been better to just let him know so it could have been worked through back at the time.”  
  
“Hindsight is a wonderful thing, really. I think they thought they were sparing him. He really did have it bad for Toshiya, even after he and Kyo got together. Even when I met them, he still had it. In fact, I think it was only Shinya that made him forget about it.”  
  
“And Shinya telling him that Toshiya once returned those feelings must have really messed with him. And poor Shin had to see all that.” Kaoru shook his head, feeling sorrow for his young cousin's situation fill him. He felt just as bad for Die, who must have finally felt settled after meeting Shinya, only to have his world rocked.  
  
“Kaoru? What do you want to do? Do you want to do anything about it?”  
  
“I know Die is supposed to be going to see Shinya tonight. I think I'm going to call Shinya and make him swear to me to talk to Die about it tonight. He can't keep putting it off. It's only going to get worse otherwise.”  
  
“That's probably about the best you can do, really.”  
  
Kaoru smiled faintly and picked his phone back up to call Shinya. He felt calmer when Satsuki's hand slid into his, giving it a squeeze.

***

  
  
Shinya fussed with his hair for what must have been the thirtieth time. He hadn't been this nervous at the thought of seeing Die since the first time he had come to visit. This time was different though. That time it had been excited nervousness. This time he was scared. Kaoru had called earlier, making him promise to talk to Die about what had been going on, and he was terrified of what might happen.  
  
_What if it turns out that Die never loved me. What if it turns out he loves Toshiya, and I'm just a substitute?_  
  
He dropped his hands to his sides, squeezing his eyes shut as though he could force his fears out that way. His eyes snapped back open as he started at the sound of Die knocking on the door. Slowly he made his way over, taking a deep breath before opening the door.  
  
“Hey.” Die stood, holding out a flower and looking awkward. “It suddenly occurs to me that I don't even know if you like flowers. I'm not insulting you by giving you this, am I?”  
  
Shinya couldn't help but smile, and opened the door wider as he reached his hand out to accept the gift.  
  
“It's a very pretty flower, Die. Thank you.”  
  
Die looked so relieved as Shinya took the flower that the blond even started to feel a little guilty. The guilt fled as Die spoke though.  
  
“Totchi says to say hi to you.”  
  
“Oh. Were you guys hanging out today or something?”  
  
“Yeah, this morning we were. Then he had to run off to some important meeting with Kyo. Or something. I don't really want to know what they were actually doing.”  
  
Shinya felt the ache in his chest grow, and he couldn't help but wonder what exactly Die and Toshiya had been doing. He couldn't get the memory of the way Die had looked at Toshiya on the way back from Tokyo out of his head, and that made the pain worse.  
  
_Maybe Kaoru IS right. We need to talk this out before it destroys us._  
  
“Die? I was wondering if we could talk for a bit.”  
  
Die gave Shinya an odd look, and nodded.  
  
“Of course. What did you want to talk about?”  
  
“Can we sit down?”  
  
Die suddenly looked worried, and moved to sit without a word. Shinya sat at the opposite end of the couch to Die, and the red-head's look of worry grew even more.  
  
“Shin? What's wrong?”  
  
Shinya took a breath, opened his mouth, then closed it again. He wasn't exactly sure how to start this conversation.  
  
“Shin?” Die sounded slightly panicky now, and his eyes pleaded with Shinya's. Shinya took another breath, and decided to just start.  
  
“You know how I told you Toshiya had a crush on you when you guys first met?”  
  
Die nodded, but said nothing. He was starting to look scared, and Shinya almost stopped.  
  
_No. We have to do this. It doesn't matter how hard it seems, Shinya, you have to do it._  
  
“Well, you acted really strangely when I told you that. And the way you've been looking at him since then ... it's been making me wonder things. It's made me realise I don't know you, any of you. I don't know what has happened in your past. But most of all, it's made me wonder what has gone on with you and Toshiya. I know there's something there, and what I told you seems to have brought it to the surface.”  
  
Die looked away, and Shinya thought his heart might break right then and there. He couldn't bring himself to speak any more, so waited for Die, his breath catching in his throat as his lungs struggled to work while he forced the urge to cry down. Die started to speak, but didn't look back at Shinya.  
  
“Shin, there's nothing -”  
  
“Die, please don't lie to me. And please, look at me when you speak. Please...”  
  
Die turned his head, and Shinya could see the pain in his eyes.  
  
“I used to ... feel something ... for Toshiya. I won't lie to you about that. There has never been anything between us, but I did feel something. It wasn't love, but it probably wasn't far off.” Die opened his mouth to say more, but it seemed that words had failed him. Shinya felt tears prickling his eyes, and he shut them tight to keep them at bay.  
  
“Shin! Don't cry...”  
  
“I'm not.” And for now, that was true. He opened them again to look at the one he still loved. “But tell me. What is going on with you two now? The way you look at him...”  
  
“There's nothing going on now, I swear. What you told me threw me, I'll admit that. For a moment I did wonder 'what if', but then I looked at your face, and it didn't matter any more. I realised that after so long seeing only Toshiya, I now see only you. Even when I look at him, all I can see is you. You have to believe me on that. I couldn't bear it if I did anything to lose you.”  
  
Shinya felt like the ground had been torn from under him. He believed Die, he did. But the thought that Die had spent so long in love with Toshiya – and he must have been, even if Die didn't realise it himself – that thought was tearing Shinya in two.  
  
“Shinya? Please speak to me.” Die's voice was shaking, but Shinya couldn't bring himself to move closer, to reach out, to talk to him.  
  
“Shin?” His voice was pleading now.  
  
“I – I need some time to think things over.”  
  
“Shinya? I promise you, there's nothing going on. I couldn't bear it if you left me. I love you.”  
  
“I love you to, Die. But I need some time to get all this straight in my head. If you do love me, please just give me some time. Please, Die.”  
  
Die nodded and stood, misery across his features.  
  
“You know where I am when you're ready. I love you.”  
  
And with that, Shinya was alone. He waited a while, arms wrapped around his knees, before letting himself cry for the first time since his parents died.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M E L O D R A M A ~~~~~ (yes I'm still making fun of myself)

“I just don't know what to do about him. I have no idea how to help.”  
  
Kaoru rubbed his face and sighed.  
  
“I suppose Die is the same?”  
  
The other three around the table nodded. Kaoru had been growing more and more worried about Shinya as the weeks had gone on. It had gotten to the stage where Shinya wouldn't even leave his apartment unless he had to, or unless Kaoru physically dragged him out. Satsuki had suggested maybe they talk to Kyo and Toshiya about the situation, and so here they were.  
  
“Die won't talk to me at all.” Toshiya said, a strange mix of hurt and compassion on his face. Kyo reached a hand up to rest on Toshiya's shoulder, squeezing gently.  
  
“It's okay, Totchi. You know it's not your fault.”  
  
“But it is! If I hadn't gotten drunk and told Shinya that, then none of this would be happening, and they wouldn't be so miserable! It's completely my fault!”  
  
“Toshiya, no one blames you. It was bound to come out sooner or later. You might as well blame Shinya for telling Die, or blame Die for reacting the way he did.”  
  
Toshiya smiled gratefully at Kaoru as he spoke, his shoulders relaxing ever-so-slightly.  
  
“Anyway, I know for a fact that Shinya doesn't blame you, and I'm sure I'm right when I say Die doesn't either. What we need to concentrate on now is finding a way to help those two through this.”  
  
“That's easier said than done though, I think.” said Kyo, pulling Toshiya into him. “I know Die is completely terrified that if he tries to talk to Shinya he'll lose him for good.”  
  
“And I can't get Shinya to talk about it at all. Whenever I as much as mention Die's name he completely shuts down. I think he's blaming himself, and that he thinks that he's hurt Die too badly to able to get him back. I've told him and told him that it's painfully obvious to everyone that Die is head over heels for him, but Shinya just can't bring himself to believe it.”  
  
“God, they're both so _stupid!”_ Kyo sighed, obviously frustrated. “Why can't they just believe us when we tell them?”  
  
The four of them sat in silence, staring at the table between them. Kaoru had suggested they all meet at his café, sending Naoki home and closing up early so they wouldn't be interrupted.  
  
“You know, I remember when we first met Shinya.” Toshiya said, breaking the silence. “When we first came in, Die just assumed he was a girl, since he could only see the back of his head. But then when we had been here a while, I noticed that Die kept staring. I asked what was so interesting, and he said that he was looking at the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He just couldn't take his eyes off Shinya. Normally I would say that love at first sight is a load of shit, but in this case I think that's exactly what it was. Every little thing Shinya did, every movement he made, Die thought was absolutely adorable. And when Shinya was talking to Naoki, Die couldn't stop giggling and blushing at Shinya's voice. I thought he was going to die when Shinya looked at him. It was right at that point that Die said that Shinya was the one for him. And he hasn't changed that since.”  
  
He fell quiet again, twisting his fingers together until Kyo took his hand.  
  
“Die has changed Shinya so much. He was always so withdrawn. He hated interacting with people any more than was absolutely necessary. But since Die found him, he's become so much more open. I _know_ he's completely in love. I know Die is the only person he's ever met that he has allowed to get inside and see the real him,” Kaoru added, pain filling him as he thought of what the young man he had raised and loved like his own son was going through.  
  
“So what are we going to do? They're too perfect together, and too obviously in love to let them be stupid and lose what they have,” Toshiya asked.  
  
“Can I say something?” Satsuki had remained silent up until now, but he gave Kaoru's hand a brief squeeze when the others nodded.  
  
“It sounds like they both are having a crisis of trust, and not with others, but with themselves. Die doesn't trust himself to be the sort of person that Shinya deserves, and Shinya doesn't trust himself to be able to get what he knows are unreasonable thoughts out of his head and avoid hurting Die. They aren't going to really believe anything you three tell them because they believe that you're only saying it to cheer them up, whether it's a subconscious belief on their parts or not. I know I don't really know Shinya at all, and I don't know Die all that much more, but I'm sure that that's what is at the root of it all.”  
  
Kyo looked at Satsuki like he'd grown an extra head.  
  
“Where the hell did _that_ all come from?”  
  
“I go through it every day with Kaoru. I don't trust myself to be a good enough person for him. The difference is I _know_ why I think that way, and I can do something about it. In some ways, it makes me glad that my family did to me what they did. I've been through the worst that I can ever go through, and I survived it. And I think Kaoru is my reward for getting there.”  
  
Kaoru stared at Satsuki, a surge of affection for the younger man temporarily overriding his concern for Shinya.  
  
“You're completely right, Satsuki!” exclaimed Toshiya, startling Kaoru back into reality. “So how about this: you go talk to them. They aren't going to do it themselves, and they won't listen to us, but you're like an objective third person. They _have_ to listen to you.”  
  
“I don't know that they _would_ -” Satsuki started, but was cut off by Kyo.  
  
“No, that's a great idea! I think you should do it. Kaoru, what do you think?”  
  
“I think it's worth a shot. They worst that can happen is they just do what they're doing now, and we have to come up with another plan. But if it does work...” he trailed off, looking at Satsuki hopefully. “It's your call though, Satsuki. You don't have to do it.”  
  
“How can I say no when you look at me like that?” he answered, smiling. “I'll give it a go then. But I can't promise that it's going to have any sort of effect.”  
  
“Thank you, Satsuki. I'm grateful to you for even trying. I really am getting so worried about Shinya.”  
  
Satsuki nodded, a determined smile on his face. “Tell me where I can find them, then.”

 

***

  
Shinya stood in his small kitchen, mechanically going through the motions of preparing his dinner as the hollow feeling threatened to completely overwhelm him. It had been weeks since he and Die had parted, and every day was harder than the one before. He stared longingly at the phone, wishing he was strong enough to pick it up and just _call_ Die, wishing he was strong enough to be able to tell him he was sorry, that he was wrong, that he should never have told Die to leave. Wishing that just once more he could hear Die tell him he loved him.  
  
 _But it's pointless, isn't it? I hurt Die so much. I know he won't want me any more. I know he thinks I've abandoned him. And I know I don't deserve him any more. He's better off finding someone who can show him the trust and love he deserves._  
  
Shinya's fingers tightened around the knife he had been using to chop the vegetables, and without quite realising what he was doing, he lifted the blade and stabbed it into the chopping board. He threw the board across the kitchen where it smashed a glass into the wall, the knife falling out and onto the broken shards. Shinya stared dispassionately for a moment, then sighed and moved to clean up the mess.  
  
 _Stop being so melodramatic. You brought it all on yourself. There is no one to blame but you, so stop taking it out on everything else._  
  
Slowly he cleaned up the glass, wrapping it in paper before throwing it in the bin. He watched as the bundle fell from his hands and was closed away from the world, and it suddenly occurred to him that that was exactly what he was doing with his own heart. He had broken in himself, had cleaned it up himself, and had locked it away himself.  
  
It was no more than he deserved.  
  
He was interrupted by a cautious tapping at the door. He spun, running to the door, hoping – no, _knowing_ that Die had come back. He flung the door open, ready to tell Die everything he had been wanting to since he had sent him away. When he saw Satsuki instead of Die he felt the dam he had so carefully constructed smash into a thousand pieces and he couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Satsuki's arms enveloped him, and Shinya felt his knees threaten to collapse as the emotion of the past weeks finally burst forth. Desperately he clung to Satsuki as the other man guided him to the couch, hand stroking his hair while he made small comforting noises. Part of Shinya knew he shouldn't be doing this, crying on the shoulder of someone who was for all intents and purposes a complete stranger, but he was powerless to stop now. On and on he sobbed, wishing with all his heart that it was Die's arms wrapped around him. Finally the tears dried up, and he struggled to get his breathing under control as he pulled away and sat up straight.  
  
“I'm so sorry, Satsuki. I have no idea what came over me,” he said with lowered eyes, shame-faced.  
  
“It's perfectly okay, Shinya. I think I know what it is that came over you.”  
  
Shinya looked at Satsuki out of the corner of his eye.  
  
“If you don't mind me asking, why are you here? If you're looking for Kaoru he should be at his apartment.”  
  
“Actually, it was you I came to see. Kaoru is very worried about you, so I decided to come and talk. I thought maybe someone who isn't involved might be easier for you to talk to.”  
  
“Thank you for your concern, Satsuki, but I'm fine. Really.”  
  
“You'll forgive me for saying so, Shinya, but you really don't look fine. People who are fine don't normally burst into tears on strangers' shoulders. Especially 'fine' people who I've been led to believe _never_ cry.”  
  
Shinya just sat still. He really couldn't argue with that, and had a shrewd idea Satsuki wasn't going to leave until he admitted that fact.  
  
“Would I be right in thinking that you thought maybe it was Die knocking at the door? The look on your face when it first opened, and then the look when you realised it was me would seem to suggest that.”  
  
Shinya remained in silence, refusing to look at Satsuki.  
  
 _How could he know that? How can someone be so observant? Why does just hearing Die's name make me want to scream?_  
  
“I went to see Die today. He misses you.”  
  
Still Shinya remained silent. He couldn't bring himself to talk about Die for fear he wouldn't be able to keep from crying again.  
  
“I know you don't want to talk, but I hope you'll at least listen to me. Can you do that?”  
  
Shinya nodded, only a slight movement, but he knew Satsuki would see. He had the feeling that the other man would continue talking even if Shinya told him to leave.  
  
“When I say he misses you, that's the biggest understatement I've ever made. He's in much the same state you are. He is so very in love with you, and being away from you is more than he can bear. I know you're just as in love with him. I can tell just by looking at you, by seeing what all of this is doing to you.”  
  
Shinya closed his eyes, not wanting to hear what Satsuki was saying but even more unwilling to give up the chance to hear about Die.  
  
“He told me he would do anything to have you back again. You know he won't even talk to Toshiya, and only sees Kyo under sufferance? He's willing to give up _everything_ to have you with him again.”  
  
A tear slid down Shinya's cheek, unnoticed, as he thought of Die. As he thought of Die willing to give up on his best friends if it meant having Shinya back.  
  
“He can't do that. Not for me. Not for _anyone,_ ” he whispered. “Die needs his friends. Toshiya and Kyo are his life. I want him back, so much Satsuki. But he can't give up his life for me. I _won't_ let him do that.”  
  
He felt Satsuki shift around, standing up.  
  
“I'm sorry, Shinya. I drove here, and I just realised I left my phone in the car. Can you wait a moment while I get it?”  
  
Shinya nodded, his whole being numb.  
  
 _Die_ can't _give up everything for me. He can't give that up for_ anyone. _What have I done? I'm ruining his life..._  
  
Another tear slid down the other cheek, perfectly matching the first. He noticed Satsuki had left the door slightly ajar, but couldn't bring himself to get up and close it. It would make it easier for when he came back. He sat, unmoving, while the other man retrieved his phone. Eventually he heard footsteps returning, and turned his head away so Satsuki wouldn't see that Shinya had been crying again. The door was pushed open, but no one entered.  
  
“Shin-chan?”  
  
Shinya's head whipped around as he leapt to his feet.  
  
“ _Die?_ ”  
  
The redhead stood at the door, his arms wrapped around his chest, his face so incredibly scared and hopeful.  
  
“Um. Satsuki kind of forced me to come with him. And then forced me to come up here. He's in the car. If you want me to go, just say so.” Die's head turned as he said the last sentence, the pain it was giving him to give that option obvious.  
  
“No. I mean, you don't have to go. Unless you want to.”  
  
Shinya stared at Die, every cell in his body screaming for him to go and hold the older man, but fear rooted him to the spot. He was right _there,_ so close, but he might as well have been a million miles away. The two men stood, both trying to look at the other without it seeming that they were doing so. Finally Shinya took a deep breath and spoke.  
  
“You can come in. You don't have to stand in the hallway.”  
  
Die smiled faintly, guarded hope evident in his eyes. He stepped in, turning to close the door behind him. He turned back to look at Shinya.  
  
“How are you?”  
  
“I'm – I'm fine,” Shinya lied, even as his voice began to break and fresh tears fell from his eyes.  
  
“Shinya! Please, don't cry. I can't stand to see you upset. I'll go, if that's what you want.”  
  
Shinya shook his head.  
  
“Die, can - can you just hold me?”  
  
Before Shinya knew it he was being crushed in Die's embrace, his face pressed into the older man's shoulder, and his own arms reached around to pull Die in just that little bit closer.  
  
“God, I've missed you so much, Shinya.”  
  
“I've missed you too, Die,” he answered, breathing in the smell that was uniquely Die. The longer he held and was held by the other man, the more the hollow feeling disappeared, until for the first time since they had parted Shinya felt whole again. His fingers tangled themselves in Die's hair as he pulled the older man's head down, pressing their lips together and taking what he needed, the other man returning the kiss with just as much passion and need. Shinya parted his lips, darting his tongue out, feeling Die respond as the kiss deepened. Together they stumbled back to the couch, crashing down when Shinya's knees hit the edge, Die stretching out on top of the younger. They broke the kiss together, Die rolling over so they were lying side-by-side, staring into one another's eyes, both running their fingers over the other's face as though not quite believing that they were real.  
  
“I love you, Die.”  
  
“I love you too, Shinya.”  
  
“I don't want to hear about you giving up on your friends for me, either. I know there's nothing going on with you and Toshiya, and I know there never will be. I trust you both, and I'm so sorry for putting you through all this. You have no idea how sorry I am.”  
  
“It's not your fault, Shinya. It was me. If I hadn't acted like such a moron none of this would have happened. But it's over now. I'm just glad to have you back. But if you want, we can take things slowly again. Give you time to get used to things.”  
  
Shinya sat up and looked over at the window.  
  
“Move in with me, Die.”  
  
He turned to Die, who looked completely shocked.  
  
“I'm serious. Move in here with me. Or I'll move to Kyoto with you. I don't want to be apart from you again.”  
  
Die gazed at Shinya, more serious than he had ever seen him.  
  
“I don't think that's such a good idea, Shin-chan.”  
  
Shinya felt like he'd just been kicked, but tried to smile anyway.  
  
“Maybe you're right. We should probably take things slowly, for now.”  
  
“No, that's not what I meant. It's just not fair expecting just one person to move to a new city. Why don't we look for somewhere in Nara? That way we can find somewhere that is new, and just ours. And Nara I think would be perfect. It's sort of our city, now.”  
  
Shinya flung himself into Die's arms once more.  
  
“I think that would be perfect, Die.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

Die flopped himself down on the couch.  
  
“You know what? I'm really glad we had a house warming and all the others were able to give us stuff and see our new place, but I've never been so thankful to see their backs.”  
  
“I know what you mean,” answered Shinya as he sat next to his lover, completely exhausted. “I didn't think they were _ever_ going to leave. Although they did help us move our stuff, so we shouldn't complain too much.” He sighed and took a sip of his water, the only drink left in the house.  
  
“It was probably a mistake getting that much alcohol. At least we know better for next time. And those dirty bastards didn't even leave any for me! I was planning on getting thoroughly drunk tonight and letting you take advantage of me.”  
  
Shinya choked on his water, Die patting him on the back as he got his breath back.  
  
“Do you think next time you feel the need to make a statement like that you could wait until I'm a little less likely to kill myself?”  
  
“I'm sorry, my Shin-chan.”  
  
“That's okay. And anyway, who says you need to be drunk for me to want to take advantage of you?” Shinya replied with a sly smile, turning to push Die onto his back before crawling up until their faces were level. He lowered his head, arms on either side of Die's, his long hair falling around the older man as he took a kiss. Die's arms snaked up and around Shinya, pulling him down to lay flat on top of him.  
  
“Mmmm ... you're being all seductive again. Did you manage to swipe some alcohol out of the others' hands?”  
  
“Nope. This is just me being all frustrated that I've had to go so long without really being able to touch you.”  
  
Shinya moaned as Die licked and nipped at his neck as he spoke.  
  
“You know, it wouldn't have been so long if you hadn't decided we couldn't do this until we got our new place.”  
  
Shinya pushed down with his hips, grinding against the hardness that was rapidly growing in Die's pants.  
  
“Got you motivated enough to force the others to help look, though, didn't it?”  
  
“Ah, so it _wasn't_ you that I noticed coming in here every single day, scouring the city for just the right apartment?”  
  
“I never said I wanted to wait any longer than necessary. The sooner we found somewhere, the sooner I could get in your pants.” Shinya smirked as Die's eyes popped open, shocked to hear such words coming from his innocent looking boyfriend.  
  
“Shinya! I would never have known that you were so, so...”  
  
“Horny? Hot for you?”  
  
Die groaned again, pulling Shinya down even further, pushing his hips in answer to Shinya's grinding motions.  
  
“You have no idea how much it is turning me on, hearing you talk like that.”  
  
Shinya lifted his hips a little, allowing enough room for his hand to make its way between them and caress Die's erection.  
  
“I think I have a fair idea...” he said huskily, dropping his head to lick Die's lips. Die groaned again, hands roaming up and down Shinya's back.  
  
“I want you so much right now, Shin-chan.”  
  
“And you'll have me. Or rather, I'll have you.”  
  
“Ooohh. Shin-chan is getting all dominant on me, is he?”  
  
“You better believe it. You're mine tonight, Die.”  
  
“I'm always yours, Shinya.”  
  
Shinya moaned a little at that, Die's devotion doing things to him that he couldn't describe. He dropped his head again, almost violently taking a kiss, savouring the taste of Die. He lifted his head a little, gently biting Die's lips as he looked at him through his eyelashes. Their faces just centimetres apart, their gazes never breaking, Shinya lifted back onto his knees, allowing his hands the freedom they needed. Slowly he undid the button on Die's pants, lowering the zip before pushing the clothing down, Die kicking his legs to get rid of them entirely. Shinya cupped his hand around Die's erection, rubbing gently through the material of his boxers before shifting his hand to the waist band of the underwear, repeating his earlier motions until Die was left with only his shirt on. Shinya grabbed Die's erection, his fist pumping up and down, getting more and more turned on as he watched Die struggle to maintain eye contact. Grinning slightly, he loosened his grip until his fingers were just leaving feathery-light touches as they travelled up and down.  
  
“God, Shin, that's not fair!” Die panted, trying in vain to push his hips up to get more pressure. “Don't tease me.”  
  
“Hmmm. I seem to recall asking you to do the same, but you never listen.”  
  
“That's _completely_ different!”  
  
“Is it?”  
  
“Believe me, if you knew how this felt you wouldn't be saying that.”  
  
“Maybe...” Shinya purred, leaning in to lick the side of Die's neck, stopping periodically to suck gently on the skin.  
  
“Oh god, Shin...” Die managed to pant out, his back arching every time Shinya nipped at his neck. He dropped his hands, fumbling at Shinya's pants until he got them undone and pushed down. His hand wrapped around Shinya's cock, and the younger man let out a loud moan at the sensation, teeth biting a little harder into Die's flesh. Their moans mingled together when Die let go of Shinya and pulled his hips down, their erections brushing together. Frantically they tore at what remained of each others clothes, each desperate to get the other completely naked. Die looked longingly at Shinya's naked torso, leaning in to lick and suck at his nipples. Shinya threaded his fingers through Die's hair, unable to believe the waves of pleasure that were coursing through his body.  
  
“God, Die ... I want to be inside you.”  
  
“I want you inside me,” Die answered, his voice breaking a little. Shinya shifted back down, covering Die's face in kisses.  
  
“Where is everything?” he whispered between kisses, running his hand along Die's side, reaching around to grab his ass.  
  
“In our bedroom.” Die replied, his hand dropping to trace lines along the insides of Shinya's thighs. Shinya wasted no time in standing up, pulling Die with him and crushing their lips together once more. Locked together like that they stumbled towards the bedroom, Shinya pushing Die backwards, crashing into walls but barely noticing. Shinya kept pushing Die until he hit the edge of the bed, his knees collapsing as he crashed down onto the soft mattress. Shinya left him briefly, digging around in Die's drawers until he found what he was after.  
  
“Flavoured, Die?” he asked, one eyebrow raised.  
  
“Well, you know. It makes it more fun to get them on,” the red head responded, a huge grin spreading across his face. Shinya wrinkled his brow in confusion before he realised what Die meant, then flung himself across and on top of the surprised Die.  
  
“I like your thinking...” Shinya said, grabbing Die's hands and pinning them to the bed as he straddled him. He rocked gently as he kissed Die, rubbing their erections together again until he thought Die was about to burst. He reached for the fallen lubricant, coating his fingers before reaching down and inserting one into Die's entrance. Die began to groan as Shinya moved his finger around, searching for the spot Die had hit in him last time. He knew he had found it when Die's hips suddenly bucked, and he let out an even louder groan, his fingers tightening on Shinya's hips.  
  
“God, that's it Shinya...”  
  
The blond grinned, deciding to follow up with a second finger, trying to remember what Die had done to him to make it so pleasurable. He worked his fingers, sometimes brushing that bundle of nerves, other times purposely missing it to drive Die crazy. Each time he stretched his fingers a little wider, wanting to make sure that he was fully prepared, not wanting to hurt him.  
  
“Shin, I need you inside me. Now.”  
  
The sheer need and want in Die's voice filled Shinya's head, causing his own erection to grow even harder. He tipped back off Die, searching for the condoms he had dropped when he pounced on the redhead, finally finding one underneath Die's leg.  
  
“Let me do that.” Die's husky voice sent butterflies rioting in Shinya's stomach, and he wordlessly handed it over. Die got onto his knees, tearing the packet open and pulling the condom out. Carefully he took Shinya's erection and slid the condom on a little way, then rested his hands on Shinya's hips. He leaned down, wrapping his lips around Shinya's cock, tongue swirling around the tip as he took it deeper into his mouth, the condom unrolling slowly as he pushed it down. Shinya squeezed his eyes shut, the feeling of Die's hot, wet mouth almost enough to push him over the edge by itself, and when Die let out a long low groan it took all his will power to keep from coming right then and there. Slowly Die pulled back again, sucking gently as though unwilling to let Shinya go. Shifting his hand to hold the condom at the base of Shinya's cock, he gave one last powerful suck as he sat back. Shinya couldn't hold back a loud moan, calling out Die's name as he fell forward. He blinked at Die.  
  
“How the _hell_ did you do that,” he breathed.  
  
“It's a talent.” Die answered, not a trace of modesty anywhere. Shinya grinned, and shoved Die down onto his back. He picked up the lubricant, putting more onto his fingers, and over his erection.  
  
“You ready?”  
  
“I've been ready all night, Shinya.”  
  
Shinya grinned again, a little nervously this time, and crawled up between Die's legs. He carefully put his fingers into Die one more time, testing. Satisfied, he removed them and rested his erection against the puckered hole. Ever-so-slowly, he pushed in, past that tight ring of muscle, until he was buried right inside Die. He could scarcely believe how _good_ it felt, being surrounded by Die, the tightness and warmth completely enveloping him. He waited a moment, not sure if Die was ready yet, but when the redhead bucked his hips, Shinya pulled back out, the feeling better than anything he had ever experienced before. Slowly he thrust, Die wrapping his legs up and around Shinya's waist, angling his hips to allow Shinya easier entry. They clung to each other, Shinya moaning into Die's mouth as the older one lifted his head for a kiss, Die's own moans resonating with Shinya's. The blond experimented with the angle of his thrusts, searching to find that spot again, wanting Die to feel as good as he had made Shinya feel last time. Die's legs tightened around Shinya, letting out another loud moan when Shinya found his target, tightening around Shinya as the feeling increased. Shinya shifted one of his hands down as he picked up the pace, hand wrapping around Die's erection, trying to keep his hand moving in time with his hips.  
  
“Shinya ... I want to hear you come with me.” Die panted, sweat beading all over his body. Shinya nodded, moving faster, his hips out of time with his hand but neither of them caring. He pushed in deeper, wanting to hear Die come. He felt Die's body shudder, all his muscles tensing as he began to come, the milky substance shooting between them. That was all that Shinya needed, his own body tightening as he came with Die, their cries mixing together. He gave a few more weak thrusts before collapsing on top of his lover, their sweaty bodies clinging to each other while their breathing returned to normal.  
  
“God, I love you so much, Shinya,” Die said, kissing the top of Shinya's head, brushing slightly damp strands of hair out of his face.  
  
“I love you too, Die.”  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying each others company.  
  
“I should really get this cleaned up.” Shinya said, looking down.  
  
“Yeah. And then get your energy back.” Die said. “This is our first night here, and we still have more rooms to break in.”  
  
Shinya laughed, and turned to rest his head on his lovers shoulder. Something told him they were going to have a very good time living in Nara.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably the first long multi chapter fic I ever completed. And in many ways it is bad and horrible but it was written 12 years ago now, and I'm super proud of it, even with all its flaws. I'm not sure if anyone is really reading it, or ever will again, but I've really liked revisiting this.


End file.
